by Trish Austin

Created on: June 27, 2009   Last Updated: April 24, 2010

There are many reasons why parents should not let their babies cry themselves to sleep.  I am shocked there is a debate. To clarify my position, if a parent feels overwhelmed with their baby's crying and feels very angry with their baby, then the best thing is to lay the baby in the crib or bassinet. So, the parent can have a "time out". Hurting a baby is a lot worse than letting the baby cry.

However, routinely letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is ludicrous. When speaking of babies from birth to about 12-18 months, they have no sense of self. They do not know that they are separate beings from their parents. Parents and or caregivers of babies this age are mirrors to the child. All they learn about themselves and the world comes from their parents and or caregivers.

According to Erik Erikson, a baby from birth to 3 months is in the stage of trust versus mistrust. A baby left routinely to cry will find the world a place not to be trusted. Trust is formed in a baby when their needs are met consistently. Babies cry for a reason. A little fussiness that goes away after a baby is put down to sleep is normal. I am referring to the baby who cries themselves to sleep as part of the baby's "routine." This is not healthy for the baby. The baby has a needs that are not being met. So, these babies are at risk of developing a feeling that the world is not to be trusted. It is not a place that is consistent and "there" for them.

My first child cried a lot. I tried every thing. She would not sleep. I would have loved for her to be satisfied by being held. I tried everything. Walks in the stroller were the answer for her. But, at night, she slept with me. That was the only way she would sleep at night. Now, she is seventeen and is a self motivated, secure teenager making excellent grades in school.

However, with my first, I did learn that a baby can pick up on their parent's anxiety. This contributed to my first daughter's non stop fussiness and crying. Being a first time mother, and by nature being anxious, her crying upset me. She "picked" up on this from me. So, it was like a vicious cycle. She would cry. Then, I'd get anxious and then she would cry more.

So, with my second, I came to terms with crying as just a form of communication. My second baby was a sleepy head. She cried only when she wanted food. She loved sleeping in her bassinet. However, even though I was no longer anxious, one cannot deny the basic temperament of the baby is also an issue with how much they cry etc..This is evident the day babies are born. This cannot be changed. My first was born screaming mad. My second was born crying a little. But, once she was cleaned a swaddled, she was asleep.

Infants number one need is love. Tending consistently to their cries is the way this is communicated to babies. If parents routinely do not respond to their baby's cries(babies that are 6 months and younger), the baby is left to feel alone and unloved. The quick or easy fix of letting a baby cry themself to sleep may seem like a good way to deal with a crying baby. But, the effects of this will rear its ugly head when your child is older. And, babies are babies for such a short time. Give them love and hold them. How can that be wrong for a miserable baby? My head and my heart says it cannot be wrong.

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