by Kamryn Adams

Created on: June 26, 2009

Family is a four letter word W-O-R-K. Like all relationships, healthy family bonds are tremendous work. It takes patience, understanding, and a good old-fashioned sense of humor when dealing with family issues. You may not like your family, but it doesn't change the blood running through your veins. Don't we all have the crazy aunt and the abrasive uncle that everyone runs from at family gatherings? You see the good news about your family is that it's really no worse than anybody else's family out there. All families have issues because people have issues.

So how do we deal with the wonderfully entertaining and often frustrating people in our lives called family? Well, that depends on the situation. Let's talk about the top three:

#1 LENDING MONEY TO FAMILY

Disputes over money have caused many a brawl at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Set a standard in your family that "not a lender nor a borrower shall I be". That means you have a rule NOT to lend money. Now, does that mean you become a selfish miser and watch your sister and her seventeen children get put out on the street? Absolutely not! The rule is not to LEND money. But feel free to give money to those you deem in need. You see, the money issue becomes a Holiday nightmare when the expectation of payback goes unmet. Never "lend" money that you need back. You can give it though. Never expect a family member to pay you back. If they do, you have an extra hundred bucks for the weekend.

#2 THE FAMILY BUSINESS

Nothing causes two brothers to duel in Mom and Dad's backyard like the family business. No, not the fact that Uncle Jack and Aunt Mary were pregnant when they married. I mean an actually company that is shared among and run by the members of the family. Families should follow three guidelines in working together as entrepreneurs: Set clear expectations for workload and operations, don't discuss the business during personal gatherings, and have a trusted family friend to provide an objective voice.

#3 THE WICKED SPOUSE

Okay so you and your brother were best friends, but that woman he married is a real pain in the family heirloom. Whenever the family gets together she's the real downer. Her nasty disposition and judgmental attitude always start the family arguments. Now, you and your brother barely speak because you called his wife a name that was rather accurate but still not nice. He defended her honor. You defended your position. The solution is to LET IT GO. Schedule your calendar so you and your brother can have time without her being involved. Talk during work hours or on weekends when she's going to get her claws sharpened. During the inevitable times when the whole family is together, keep your distance. If you really want to put in the W-O-R-K to build a relationship with her, ask her out for a drink or lunch to discuss the issue.

Family is a four letter word, indeed. Unlike friends and dates that drive you crazy, you can't just quit the relationship. Even if you choose to move to Jupiter in the middle of the night, that crazy chick is still your sister. You might as well put in the WORK to get along.

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