by Gwendolyn Gordon

Created on: June 26, 2009

It's strange to think the idea of living with fibromyalgia (FM) requires any explanation. In my mind, it's such a fundamental part of who I am that I can't always grasp the fact that it's not the first thing a person sees when they look at me. The thing about FM is, it's invisible. We look fine. We look healthy. So people don't see it. In fact, most people think we're crazy when we try to explain that we need to sit down for a minute or take a sick day. They just don't get it. The only way you do get it is to have it.

Fibromyalgia was, in some ways, a blessing to me. It meant I wasn't crazy - that I hadn't been making this up all these years. Trying to live day to day with it, however, is anything but a blessing. I always try to remember how much worse off I could be. My mother suffers from multiple sclerosis and given a choice between the two, I'd take FM a million times over. That's not to say FM is easy. There are so many things about it that are debilitating. The pain is the most obvious. There's no way to describe the pain of fibromyalgia. Those of us that suffer from it simply learn to live with it. It is, after all, a constant part of every single day. There are times that are better, but better to us is unbearable to you.

Summing up the rest of FM would be impossible. There's the exhaustion - and I do mean exhaustion. It's a whole new level of tired, like nothing you could even imagine. What sucks about it is that you really didn't do anything fun or thrilling to get this tired, you just are - always. And the brain fog - oh the brain fog. How I hate the brain fog. I feel so stupid most of the time. Like I'm not quite there, ever. I find myself asking (every time I'm telling anyone anything) 'did I already tell you this' to which most reply 'yes'. How embarrassing. That's another problem with FM for me. For some reason, I feel this shame about my condition. I don't want to tell people at work, but they need to know. It's strange that I'd feel ashamed of something that I had no role in causing, but I do. I don't want to tell people I can't do something because of this silly little syndrome. I hate that.

Treating FM is a whole different subject. It is not easy and it takes a lot of experimenting to find what's right for you. I've been on so many different pills and supplements. My problem with prescription use in treating FM is that, if you have a chronic pain condition and you use prescription pain pills to treat it, how long does it take you to become an addict? That's my fear. So I don't use pain pills at all, not even over-the-counter. I have found some success in some prescription treatments. Honestly - even as cliche as this sounds - I've found that attitude is everything with this condition. I know there are people that just sit around all day feeling sorry for themselves for all the things they can't do. If you get up and do one thing today, you'll find that tomorrow you can do two. I walk my dogs four or five times a day. I live my life fully and completely. I may have to sit down more than my friends, but I'll get there just the same as them. A life with fibromyalgia may have a few more obstacles than the average person's life, but I find that those bumps in the road just foster an appreciation for the simple things and a focus on what really matters.

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