by Monda Mahmoud

Created on: June 26, 2009

Voice Your Thoughts

Ever found yourself in one of those awkward situations where you feel trapped and you have no way out but to agree with someone? Not just agree to their opinion, but to what they are suggesting you do. Maybe you constantly want to please people, and tend to avoid conflict or you're the type of person who always agrees with others. But you often find yourself overburdened and committed to more than your schedule can handle.

If that's not your character, maybe you've gone as far as losing your temper repeatedly, violating people's rights and ignoring their opinions just to satisfy your own. But you don't always win this way, and if you've bullied yourself out a few times before whether with friends, a spouse or at work you can't live your life with such a hostile attitude, you are doomed to clash and it won't be pretty.

So whether you're a passive person or a more aggressive one; neither behavior yields positive results.

There are a few people who have this natural air of authority and always manage to get things done. They are listened to without ever shouting, threatening, bribing, sulking or crying. They hold the winning card, just being assertive.

Assertiveness is being able to stand up for yourself; making sure your opinions and feelings are considered and not letting other people simply get their way.

You can be assertive without being forceful or rude. Instead, you are stating clearly what you expect and insisting that your rights are considered. It's an attitude towards yourself, and how you communicate - with confidence and a sense of self-awareness - what you really want in a direct manner, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.

The good news is, it's a skill that can be learnt, and with a few pointers listed below and some practice you can assert your way through life.

Plan ahead what you want to say and make sure you know where you stand on an issue. Play the conversation over in your head. What will the person say? Think about how you will react and respond.

Don't dilute or be wishy-washy about what you are saying or asking for. Be clear and to the point. Focus on what it is you want to say and say it as directly as you can, with no extra frills.

Use few words. The fewer words you use, the bigger the impact. Powerful, effective people are always succinct. It's a good rule of thumb to make sure that you listen more often than you speak.

Be positive.

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