by Gina Lawton

Created on: June 26, 2009

"There are two things you can never do: spend someone's money and raise their kids."

I say this a lot, because in our day-to-day lives, I see the gamut of child raising philosophies and tactics among my family, friends, and people on the street. It's difficult, because as a parent myself, I look at my four amazing kids and think, "Yeah, I did OK." This thought progresses to, "Everyone should do it like I have," which is what scurries through my mind just before one of my children do something that leaves me banging my head against the nearest wall.

I don't believe child rearing is a science. Raising my kids has been much more attune to an artistic expression. And, just like art, there are a wide variety of ways to do it, appreciate it, and judge its "success." No one parent does it the same - not even in a couple working together for the well being of their kids always see eye-to-eye. The key to accepting other parenting styles is to understand that differences don't have to be divisive. Differences can be enlightening. And, like art, since there are so many variations, just because some one does something different doesn't make your way - or their way - "wrong."

First off, understand that, if someone chooses a different child rearing method than you, it's not a condemnation against your choices. Or put another way, just because someone else does or doesn't do a thing should have no bearing on the choices you make for your own kids. If you can accept that, and make decisions for your children based on their needs, personalities, and your own family dynamic, you'll remove much of the self-imposed pressure to compare and contrast the variety of parenting styles with your own. You can be freer to understand that, like art, it's not "good" or "bad," but different. Take a breathe, and focus on what your kids need, not on what other people are doing or not doing.

Next, recognize that every child is a unique individual. Considering that, you have to understand that a technique or method used for raising one kid just won't work across the board. I've seen that in my own four offspring. While my oldest was the textbook first born, perfectionist rule-follower, my second born was the "you can't hurt me" and constant "why?" child. So, while I could leave the oldest quietly watching a video while I did housework, the second needed something to keep her busy, or chaos would ensue. When you look at another parent engaging their child, keep this very important fact

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