by Matt Bird

Created on: June 24, 2009

Oh, you fantastic Internet. You bring such enlightenment to our lives; why, without you I might not have been subjected to horrible pictures beyond mention, developed racist tendencies or strtd typin lyk dis. Where would I be today without out your hallowed halls of learning, your bigoted web forums and chat programs dedicated to pop stars and pornography web sites riddled with viruses?

Why, I might just be a well-adjusted human being. Go figure.

For all the good the Internet's brought to this world, there's plenty of bad stuff floating around in cyberspace. These are just a few of the negative impacts those unmentionable things can have on our minds.

1.) Addiction. When you love the Internet, man, you looooove it. You'd scarcely even dream of being apart from it at any point of your day. You need to be connected all the time, and when you aren't you sit and think about all that's happening while you're not online. I know this feeling all too well, and though I've since broken free millions haven't, and they spend as much time as possible on a computer.

2.) A skewed view of the world. As amazing as the Internet is for relaying late-breaking news, it's also a great place to hide. You can escape reality within the digital domain and enjoy blissful solitude with your chat buddies discussing your favorite shows or games or whatever. It's very easy to forget a real world even exists when you're glued to your monitor all day.

3.) An emptier pocket. Yep, the Internet isn't free. Considering all you get from it this is a relatively minor quibble, but every little bit counts, right?

4.) A lack of social interaction. Forget going out with my buddies, I have a character to level!

5.) Poor health. Those stuck to their machines all day aren't getting any exercise. As such their bodies start to fail, especially when they opt for quick-fix meals that aren't terribly nutritious. This extends to personal hygiene, as well, as we tend not to notice our own stink.

6.) Warped minds. Because it's faceless, the Internet is also a cesspool for the strangest, most violent opinions known to man. And even though some of the more radical stuff (not gonna be listed here) is generally relegated to a select few, given a platform on which to make their case unstopped they can affect more minds with hatred, bigotry and racial stereotyping. If nothing else the newly-formed Internet generation generation is extremely rude, both to each other and to their elders and younger brethren.

7.) A lack of respect for the law. Have you seen how much pirated stuff there is online? And because it's so easy to access, not many Internet users even think twice about downloading. This hurts everybody in the end.

8.) And, most terrible of all, the Internet is destroying our typing skills. (Well, most terrible to ME, anyway. I guess the illegal stuff is generally worse.) Because finding things is so quick online people become impatient and speedy with everything, and their typing skills suffer horribly. This lack of patience stretches into other areas, as well - try standing in a line at Wal-Mart for ten minutes and you'll see how bad people have gotten.

I will not deny that the Internet has done me many services over the years. I make my living off it, so I do owe it a minor debt. But considering all that it has subjected me to at the same time, I consider that debt more than fulfilled.

Internet: Use with caution.

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