by Sherri Bonis

Created on: June 24, 2009

Being the child of an adoptee, my opinion comes from the anguish I've seen brewing in my family for a long time. My mother didn't want to know, for one reason or another and my grandparents expressed how much it would hurt them had she wanted to find her birth parents. To me, expressing your displeasure to your adopted child regarding their search for their birth parents is selfish. It means that you aren't willing to let your child find answers to questions that inevitably are brewing in their head. It also means that you aren't confident or mature enough in your role as a parent to deal with the idea that someone other than you might want to play a role in their lives as well.

I was raised by my grandparents because my mother was young and irresponsible when I was born. My parents had divorced shortly after I turned one, and my grandparents decided to play the stable adults role in my life. Thank God. Throughout my life I was witness to my mother's bad decisions and inner struggles, but could do nothing to help her myself. Her low self esteem left her susceptible to devious men and unhealthy friendships. She harbors a deep rooted hatred for my grandparents without consciously knowing it. She's left without answers and with abandonment issues that have grown exponentially through the years.

I watch these reunion shows, where children reconnect with birth parents, and laugh. It amuses me because it seems like everyone lived happily ever after and that's just not reality. My whole life I wanted to meet my father. I hadn't seen him since I was two, and wanted to know why he hadn't tried to be a part of my life. It bothered me that I never got a card or a photo or anything my entire childhood and I wanted to tell him face to face how much that hurt.

I searched for years on the internet, without my mother knowing. One day I happened to stumble upon a message written to me from a possible sibling. Through correspondence and eventually phone calls, I found my dad and his new family. I met with them a few months later with all the anticipation in the world. I wanted a knight in shining armor. I wanted him to have all the right answers and shower me with apologies so that I could grow to love him and become part of his life. It didn't happen quite like that, however.

I did meet him, he did apologize and I did get to hang out with my 4 brothers and sisters. But as I looked at pictures of them through the years, and checked out

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