by Kristin Lee

Created on: June 24, 2009   Last Updated: July 14, 2009

My keys felt heavy in my hand as I slid through the front door. I discarded them carelessly on the table in the hall and dropped my purse and coat on the floor. The old routine was too painful, for now carelessness would have to do. I turned towards the wall to the peg where I normally hung my purse and coat knowing I would find the very thing I so longed for. My fingers slid over the surface of his old leather coat releasing the faint lingering of his cologne. The first few times I did this after hearing the news tears swelled in my eyes; tonight I was too tired to even try to cry. I did it more out of habit than comfort. Reluctantly pulling myself away I padded down the hall and found myself wishing I would wake up, wishing that this was all a bad dream. But with the funeral tomorrow reality was pressing in on me with heavy impatience. This was not a dream. My only solace was in the reminder that Sam was a man of honor. He had died a brave yet tragic death serving his country. He would want me to be strong.

When I reached the kitchen I pressed play on the answering machine. I though to myself if I had to listen to one more message of condolence I would scream out loud. It felt like at any moment I would crack into a thousand pieces and blow away in the wind like sand. Thankfully there was only one message and it was not one of condolence. The voice was so familiar. I thought at first it was Sam, impossible I know. I realized quickly though that this voice was too rich with confidence to be Sam.

"Kendal, I know it's been a while. I need to see you before the funeral tomorrow. Can we meet for a drink? Call me, I'm at the hotel. Please. It's important."

There was no question that I would meet him. Alex, Sam's twin brother, was the only person I knew who could possibly feel my pain and understand the grief I was feeling. And though he was not in the service he was raised an army brat just like Sam and he was a man of honor, whatever he had to say was important and no matter how much it would hurt to see him I knew I had to go.

When I walked through the door at Kell's Irish Pub, Alex stood out above the rest. Even in mourning he shone like a light in the darkness.

"Kendal, I'm so glad you called me back. Thank you for meeting me. God how I've missed you!" He closed the distance between us and wrapped me in a hug before I even had a chance to blink. Tears welled in my eyes instantly; he smelled just like Sam. I couldn't help but be angry that I would

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