by Kathy Clark Smith

Created on: June 24, 2009

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends. For me, there is a kinship with my girlfriends that is as deep as my own family. We navigate the treacherous rivers of life together, each of us taking turns at the helm. We help each other during hard times, celebrate our victories together and cherish the bendable, pliable but unbreakable bond of friendship. This column is a tribute to the wonderful women in my life and the lessons they have taught me.

The unexpected and devastating loss of a loved one rocked my world and flattened me. Immediately, emotions the size of tidal waves began welling up in me with suffocating ferocity. I found myself helpless as I was tossed out of control on the white rapids of pain. My spirit plummeted in the chaos of the moment and I was exposed, vulnerable and powerless.

I picked up the phone and the familiar voice answered, sending sheets of relief through me. My words tumbled out with the tears stinging my cheeks and the anguish breaking my heart. I cried deep wracking sobs while she quietly listened, waiting out the explosion of emotions. In a soothing voice she comforted me and gently reminded me that I have to walk through the pain instead of run from it. "You'll need to cry until there are no tears left to shed", she said and included an standing invitation to call day or night.

Later in the day, I could feel the seeds of pain begin to sprout again and I braced myself for the onslaught of grief. Suddenly the phone rang and it was a wonderful friend of mine whom I hadn't talked to for months and in amazement I said "I can't believe you called today". My tears started flowing again and before I knew it, she was at my doorstep. We sat at my kitchen table quietly with my candles lit and the lights down low. We shared a bottle of wine while I cried and cried and cried. The look on her face was of love, concern and her own memories of similar pain.

I woke up the next morning to the thud of loss that was the strength of a physical blow. I moaned and prayed to disappear into my bed. My stomach began churning as the pain gathered momentum and the terrifying choking feeling bubbled up beside my panic. I phoned another girlfriend who allowed my bursting dam of tears to be released before she gently told me to pull myself together. I valued her honesty and tough love that has grounded me on more than one occasion.

The next day I spoke to my lifelong friend, who knows me almost better than any other person on this planet.

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