by Bonnie Christiano

Created on: June 24, 2009   Last Updated: June 26, 2009

They say that the biggest fears people have are death and public speaking. I would like to add meeting the parents to the list. Meeting your new squeeze's parents can be a daunting prospect. However, it doesn't have to be a disaster. There are things that you can do to ease the anxiety and make the first meeting a success.

DO YOUR RESEARCH

Don't be shy about asking your boyfriend or girlfriend about his or her parents. Find out as much about them as you can. You will want to know if they are conservative or laid back, if they have any special interests, if they have any pet peeves. The more you know about the parents ahead of time, the better you will be able to handle any questions or comments that come your way.

BE RESPECTFUL

It is important for a parent to approve of their child's choice of partner. Not that approval is required but it is always nice to have. If these people eventually become your in-laws, your relationship with them will be better off if there is a mutual respect. Showing that you are a respectful person will go a long way in getting the thumbs up from the family.

BE CONVERSATIONAL

This is not the time to be shy. This may be a tough one for all of you shy people out there, but make the effort to be outgoing and join in the conversation. If your personality doesn't lend itself to easygoing conversation with strangers, have some topics in mind ahead of the meeting so you aren't grasping at straws in uncomfortable silence. Don't be afraid to relate your personal experiences to the discussion at hand. This is their chance to get to know you. On the other hand, if you have an outgoing, boisterous personality, make sure that you are not over the top or overbearing. Balance is the key word here.

BE YOURSELF

It is very easy to slip into the persona of someone else when meeting parents for the first time. Not that you want to advertise your flaws but it is a much better idea to portray your true self. Think about it. This could be the one and only time you ever meet them. Who knows what will happen in a new relationship? But if things go well, you could be stuck with them for the rest of your lives and you don't want to have to put on an act every holiday, birthday or family gathering.

RELAX

Parents, like animals, can sense fear. Meeting the parents can be intimidating to say the least. Remember to stay calm and try to relax. Most parents are not out to get you or to try to trip you up. They just want to meet you and make sure that their pride and joy is happy. You aren't going to please everyone but the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed the experience will be overall.

So when the idea of meeting your new partner's parents is broached, don't run for the hills. This is a big step in a relationship and you should meet the challenge with open arms.

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