by Grace Alexander

Created on: June 24, 2009

How do you talk to yourself? Is your inner voice nice or mean? Do you constantly put yourself down and call yourself names, or do you communicate positively with yourself and affirm your self worth on a regular basis?

Self esteem is a fragile thing. We all have areas of our lives we can't seem to get a handle on - relationships, holding down a job, giving presentations, irrational fear of flying - and often we don't realize that a wonky internal dialog may be to blame.

Next time you start to feel anxious, unhappy or overwhelmed, listen to yourself. What is your inner voice saying? It might surprise you to hear a panicked screeching coming from the dark recesses of your brain:

"Oh no! I'm going to be late! I'm always late, I can never find my earrings, I'm such an idiot, why am I such a slob, I can never find anything, the whole day is shot now, I can't cope, I am a failure...'

Whoa! There's a lot of stuff in there that just flat out isn't true, and the fact that you are heaping abuse on yourself isn't helping you be any less stressed or move any faster. Ever see those movies where the hero goes to boot camp and the drill sergeant constantly screams at the new recruits? Well, that may work for preparing men for battle - but for preparing yourself for the boardroom, it's a little over the top.

Take a second to breathe, and imagine a drill sergeant standing in your dressing room screaming at you. Think that;'s ridiculous? It's what you were doing to yourself just a minute ago. Take a look at what was coming out of your inner drill sergeant's mouth, and realize how absurd it is:

'Oh, no! I'm going to be late!' This is really the only true statement in the whole string of invective you just subjected yourself to. Set it aside with a note to come back to it.

'I'm always late.' Unless you have some sort of perverse desire to keep the people in your life waiting, this is almost certainly not true. Think back and disprove this statement with at least one example of a time when you were not late.

'I can never find my earrings'. Really? Never? Think back and disprove this statement with at least one example of a time when you wore both earrings.

'I'm such an idiot'. Please. you are about to get in a car, find your way to another location, and give a presentation. Not exactly something an idiot could do.

'Why am I such a slob'. OK, maybe there is a kernel of truth in this one - or maybe you are overreacting to stress. If you are really a slob, it is a fixable

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