The key to encouraging a child's independence is for the parent to let go of his or her desire to control the child's environment. Being a control freak makes me an expert in this department. I want to teach my kids independence, but I also want to keep them in this huge, plastic-safe bubble. The movie, "The Boy in the Bubble" was really not that sad. Yes, he had a horrible disease that did not allow him outside of his clear, oxygenated tent, but he was safe!
Seriously, children need guidance, love, and protection and finding the balance to know when to let them branch out a little more on their own is difficult. Stay-at-home-moms or dads have a more difficult time with this because taking care of the kids is their full-time job. Therefore, how does one start to release those apron strings?
Here is a list of some guidelines:
1. Start small. Give a child a little bit of independence at a time. Have him make his bed by the age of two without you helping him. Even if the bed is still a mess, the child will feel like a big boy knowing he did something on his own. Have her take treats to a neighbor; while you watch from the window. Then, as she grows, you will let her head down the street to her friend's house. That is why there are training wheels on a bike first.
2. Resist the temptation to say, "No. you cannot do that." If a child wants to try and climb the slide's ladder at two, let him. If a parent constantly controls everything a child does or does not do, he will be afraid to explore the world around him. With you at the foot of the ladder, you can catch him if he falls or cheer him on when he makes it.
3. Do not let him quit. Allowing a child to quit an activity before the end will hinder his independence. Responsibility and independence are inter-changeable. If one is going to be independent, he must learn responsibility.
4. Resist the desire to do everything for your child. For example, when I was a child, my mother never helped me with homework. Today, many parents do as much homework as their child. They spend hours helping with reports, science projects, and studying. Kids will not learn independence if the parent does the work. If your 16 year-old wants money for the movies, have them find a job. No job, no movies.
Drawing the line in the sand between independence and protection is not as easy as it seems. It is much easier to tie your 5 year-old's shoes or buy Velcro than to teach them to tie it himself. Scanning the newspaper or Internet to help your daughter find a job is easier than nagging her to do it. By trusting God to guide you through raising your children, you will have the confidence to know that you did you best. Or you can just wait till you have grandchildren; so, you can try again to help encourage them to be independent.