by Sue Edgerley

Created on: June 24, 2009

Most child-raising books and Internet sites still promote time-outs as an effective discipline tool because it "gives your child an opportunity to learn to cope with frustration and modify his behaviour". This sounds good in theory. But, as most parents find out, this is a very ineffective technique.

Why is it ineffective?

1) It requires parents to delay discipline until the child is old enough to accept time-outs - which is at about three years old. So that is a crucial two years of training that is missed when parents can establish their authority.

2) Parents run the risk of looking ineffectual and foolish when the toddler runs away or wiggles or screams or sits when you said stand or vice versa. Parents lose authority when it becomes clear to a child that Mum and Dad aren't in charge.

3) The lesson the parent is trying to teach is often lost because of the delay in getting the child to do the time-out.

4) Timeouts can last too long in relation to the offence for young ones or not long enough with older children. It is difficult to get the balance right. Experts say a time-out shouldn't last more than 30 seconds until a child is three but what can a toddler learn in 30 seconds? It takes that long to hold them still!

Baby experts suggest holding off on discipline until your child understands what's acceptable and not (somewhere around the third birthday). In the meantime, they recommend childproofing your home to reduce opportunities for mischief and use distraction to redirect your child to more suitable activities. This strategy is a flawed one. Letting your child have the run of your home - and you- for three years and then turning around and saying 'now you have to listen to me' is a recipe for a battle of wills. Establishing your authority before the child reaches an age to rebel is sensible, and the early years are a perfect time to teach your child to listen to you and to realise that there are rules. Childproofing your home so your child is not in danger is essential, of course, but removing opportunities for mischief and distraction means removing opportunities for teaching an early but crucial first lesson - 'YES/NO'.

It is hard to avoid the conclusion that timeouts are an ineffectual way to discipline children. To be effective, it needs to be combined with other disciplinary measures, possibly several, as children get older, but this in turn makes it difficult for parents to be consistent in their discipline. Timeouts and consequences require parents to be adaptive and reactive and on the balls of their feet all the time. This is not a good foundation to consistent discipline. Consistency is a cornerstone of good discipline as it teaches children their boundaries.

Timeouts for Older Kids

A final note: Most people only use timeouts for young children; yet I have found that the only time it is an effective parenting strategy is when it is used for older kids. Whenever my teen starts to get a bit heated and lippy, I send her for a "toilet timeout". It is so dull in there that she has no alternative but to calm down and rethink her actions! This only works if parents send their tweens or teens to the most boring room in the house, not their bedroom. In my house, that is the toilet.

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