by Tammy Hammock

Created on: June 24, 2009   Last Updated: June 25, 2009

Like most people pleaser's I couldn't say no. I didn't want to be rejected. I wanted everyone to like me. I always felt guilty for saying no so I didn't. This started when I was a child. Saying yes seemed much more easier. All my life I was miserable. For years I didn't know why.

The older I became the more apparent it became that I had a problem. At first the doctors thought I was depressed, so they gave me pills. For years I took pills. I went to rehab. Nothing seemed to work. I new something was wrong.

I hid in my work. I thought I found the answer to my problems. I was happy for a while. Now I had no life. I did a good job of avoiding people including myself. I avoided people for so long I didn't have any friends. So I started going to bars. For a while I was having the time of my life. Reality hit me when people started putting me in the position to say no. The drinking progressed. I justified saying yes when I really wanted to say no. I became angry at myself and proceeded to drink. I felt more confident when I drank. But that presented another problem. I hurt people who really mattered to me. I still didn't take care of my needs. I just stayed drunk so I wouldn't have to care. I was very resentful and hated life.

My life started to change when I took a good look at my feelings. Came out of denial. Started to examine my thoughts. Found out I was resentful to myself and others. Lots of worry about what other people think. Lots of fear of pissing someone off or disappointing them. I also couldn't figure out what it was that did make me happy. I stayed frustrated because I wanted to be normal. So I took a few days to myself. Locked the doors unplugged the phone. Just me and my thoughts. I started to take down some note's. I realized this is not going to be a quick fix. This will be a life time process.

Setting boundaries was the first thing I had to do. That to me was terrifying. That meant being honest to others about my feelings. So I practiced on people that really didn't matter to me. I had a friend that used me. So she was my first confrontation. She came over to my house
and wanted a ride. I took a deep breath and told her no. She proceeded to manipulate me. I told her to listen. when ever I needed something you weren't anywhere to be found. Also every time you call or come by you needed something. You haven't been a friend to me. She seemed very shocked. She walked out the door. I was shocked the power I felt. A instant satisfying amazing feeling I got.

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