by Brandy Seay

Created on: June 23, 2009

Reasons why you shouldn't spank:

Many parents were spanked when we were small and we lived through it and learned right from wrong. So is it ok to spank our children? Many of us can understand how spanking comes into play, you have told your child over and over again not to play at the kitchen table and then all of a sudden she dumps dinner on the floor. Out of sheer frustration you give her a swat. There are people who will say that this is the only way to teach children. I disagree; parenting takes time, patience and diligence in order to be successful.

I can admit that I have done the swat to the butt when my son was younger but all that was accomplished was me feeling terrible and he was left feeling scared and confused. One of the values I try to instill in my children is respect. I can't think of many other actions more disrespectful than hitting. We teach our children not to hit, but yet we spank them. We tell our children that we love them unconditionally and that nobody in the world loves them more, but then we spank them. I can imagine how confusing this must be.

I believe that every child is different and you have to find what works for you. However, I believe that a child should never be hit when you are angry and considering that most spanking occurs in the heat of the moment then the lesson here is not to spank. Otherwise, you are teaching your child that when you get angry or very frustrated you handle this by hitting. We have to remember that these are children who may not be developed enough to understand that you are trying to teach them right from wrong; they only see that when you are upset you spank them.

Before having children, I laughed at the parents I saw counting the 1-2-3. Now, I am that mother that I use to laugh at the mother of two that uses the 1-2-3. For a long time my older son would say, I'm not sure what happens if Mom gets to 3 but I don't think it is good. We use timeout, but how long do they sit in timeout? We use 1 minute for every year of their age. The key to timeout is that it has to be effective; meaning a timeout on the couch in front of the television is not effective. Time out on the bottom step staring at the front door is much more effective. Communication is also a key factor in child rearing. Once the timeout is over, make sure the child understands why they were being disciplined so there is no confusion. The explanation should be short and sweet not a lecture; communication should not be the punishment.

For the record, I also believe in parent time-outs. If you are that frustrated with your child, then take a step back and a breath. Let your partner step in, after all it really does take a village to raise a child sometimes.

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