by Troy Gardner

Created on: June 23, 2009

Marriage is a two way street. We're told this all the time. Many wedding vows include lines along the lines of 'What is mine is yours.' Usually when we think about this, we think of possessions, money and children, often forgetting that this includes our families as well. Suddenly the amount of people we consider kin doubles. If the fit with your in-laws is a good one, it can help a marriage to go much more smoothly.

When your in-laws are a positive influence on your marriage, things just get easier. It is especially noticeable when you fit into the family you've married into. I always listen with a touch of envy when I listen to some friends of mine speak of their in-laws. One friend in particular has adapted so well to the family she married into, a family of a far different culture, that she refers to her mother-in-law as Mom more often then her husband does. It has been a boon to their marriage that when they need help, they can go to any relative they have, without consideration of whether or not this or that in-law gets along with them.

I've also seen the opposite, where the in-laws are not as compatible with the person marrying into their family. It has caused stress and worry as the new in-law struggles to find the balance where she was satisfying her new mother-in-law. Holidays especially caused them trouble, as the in-laws had an assumption that they would have the couple at every holiday whilst the wife wanted to be with her family for at least a few of them. This caused some undue amount of friction that wouldn't have been there had the two been more compatible with each other.

I also try to remember that I am an in-law as well. I have three brothers-in-law and a sister. I don't want to be the in-law that they avoid and do try to make their relations with me as easy and seamless as possible. That's very difficult as they were all raised in different families than mine. The effort is worth it, however as I have developed, at the least, good enough relations with all of them that they know that if they need help and I can offer it, they shouldn't hesitate to ask.

Don't get me wrong, getting along with your in-laws is not a necessity. I'm a firm believer that love can conquer all opposition. I would merely say that love is easier when there is less opposition to conquer. Being married is hard. There is so much on your plate at once. If we take in-law contentions off of that plate, then yes, marriage is much easier. Good relationships with in-laws have a positive impact on marital life.

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