by Joan Inong

Created on: June 22, 2009

Some people would say that people should never change for another person. If that other person does not accept you for who you are, then that person isn't right for you. However, these statements are false and deny the concept of "change" any possible benefits.

Relationships will change, whether immediately or in the long run. As your relationship changes, you cannot expect for yourself to say the same. If you do not change, chances are that your relationship will fail, or you will fail to see yourself in the relationship. So, in this case, change is needed and changing your personality for your relationship (if you want it to last) is good.

Changing yourself for a relationship does not have to forebode bad things. For instance, most people think that if you change a small part of yourself for a relationship, then other, bigger changes will have to follow. This is also an incorrect statement, since one would never be truly certain of how changes will affect one until those changes have taken place. For example, if a person loves to drink beer but his partner does not want him to drink anymore, then the first person will not know how his relationship will change until after he has quit drinking beer. He may think that he will know what will happen ("she'll start controlling the rest of my habits"), but those are only assumptions.

If your personality is no longer compatible with the relationship, but you still want to keep your relationship, then it is a good idea to change yourself, to an extent. Changing your personality for a relationship should not require a complete overhaul. For example, if your partner wants to change many parts of your personality, then perhaps it is a better idea to end the relationship because it is obvious that your partner wants "somebody else." But, if your partner is asking you to change only a few things so that the relationship itself can survive, and if he or she volunteers to change as well, then both of your changes are made for the good of the relationship, and should probably be done if the relationship is to survive.

Changing for the better should always be good. If life were constant, then no one would need any type of insurance. In the same way, you cannot expect a relationship to stay the same way forever, and you can't possibly expect yourself to remain the same way forever. If you need to change for a relationship, and the relationship is valuable to you, then perhaps a little change is good.

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