by Andrea Theisson

Created on: June 22, 2009   Last Updated: November 13, 2009

No child is born with an owner's manual, and we are all just winging it from the first day. There was a wise social worker who once said that you are doing just fine if your teenager is healthy and not on drugs or in jail. Yes, and sometimes the worst can happen, too. It's not always a parent's fault. Children are "unfolding" constantly, and however-well you are educated, you know nothing if you do not know your own child. Each small person has their own individual personality which goes through all the chaos and growth stages in the social context of your lives, their life. Some children require a bit more structure, some are free-range kids. Who are we to judge anyone else's approach to his or her own childrearing?

Parenting is a humbling experience. It involves nine months of pure suspense, fantasy and hope. This is followed by a minimum of eighteen years of joy, terror, awe, concern, guidance and more hope. Control is a myth. Optimally, there will be some sharing of knowledge and fine examples, some fun and some sublime moments of existence and peace. Each parent-child bond is unique. Families, of any size, will always exist with special bonds known only to them. (Some children of dysfunctional or toxic families will create their own separate units as adults, with like-minded souls.) We all grow up through parenting.

There are parents from all walks of life, all ages (more of a range than ever before!) and all cultures. Life goes on, and diversity is a beautiful thing to behold. There are practical parents and dazzling fairy-godmother-type artsy-theatrical parents and grimly determined parents with an agenda. There are nervous or calm parents. There are laid-back or structured parents. There are religious parents and heathens. All are parenting about 30-some (at last count) different "Learning Styles." The educational system is no measure of true learning or success. Time will tell, not the judgment of other parents or the system.

Kids survive and are resilient, more so than you might think. And, ultimately, they will turn into teenagers and they will think what ever they, the child-units, want to think. This is where those hopes come in. We must trust ourselves, and that we have imbued some values and thought-processes into our young ones which will serve them well.

Parents have identification problems. They often believe too many different "authority" figures and lose their way, imposing their views upon others. School systems work the same way. We all forget that the primary job is to raise and educate autonomous, self-reliant, functioning thoughtful members of a diverse society. It takes all kinds. The human comedy requires more of an appreciative audience, perhaps fewer directors. The children are like an improvisational-troupe. They are the wise ones.

Solidarity among parents is often limited to acknowledging our mutual amazement that these children are ours, and that we all love them so much. We need to be positive and encouraging to each other, and only then will we be making a better world, setting a better example for our children.

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