by Cj Luddeni

Created on: June 22, 2009

I wouldn't worry about it Mr. Smith, (not my real name.)

We'll keep an eye on it, and if you notice any changes, let me know. My doctor said this as I left his office four years ago.

I have heard this a few times, for various conditions. But this one, six years ago when it was first discovered seemed to my doctors as an emergency, an almost life or death situation had now, after two years, become a wait and see attitude.

It was unexplained blood in my urine. I couldn't see it, but they assured me test after test that it was there. They had me scared. They sent me for a battery of tests. When one came back negative, they scheduled a new and more invasive test.

I went from a kidney and bladder ultrasound, to a nuclear scan, to a cystoscopy. There were more, but I can't recall the names. I did put off the cystoscopy as long as possible because in all honesty, I was afraid of that test. After a year and a half of scans and tests, my doctor insisted that the only way to verify what was causing this would be a cystoscopy. I had a young son at home and decided they should find the cause and treat it, just in case. I am not sure where the courage came from, but I heard myself say Let's do it.

We scheduled the test. It is an outpatient procedure. I did ask about anesthesia. No such luck.

The tech that prepped me did make me feel comfortable and said I was young to have this kind of test; I was in my early forties. The test was everything I had feared it would be. Uncomfortable is an understatement, but after it was over I was glad I had sucked it up and had it done. Now I would finally know what was wrong and they could fix it.

It took a week for my doctor to get back to me with the results. I had braced myself for the worst. I was called in. I sat, then after the preliminaries, he informed me, there was nothing found. The test was negative. At first I was relieved. But then I was angry. What was wrong with me?

If they didn't find anything, then where is the blood coming from? I asked accusingly.

He told me, that blood in the urine was never good and we would keep an eye on it. But, if I were to see any changes or develop any symptoms I was to call immediately. That was it. I sat there for a minute taking it in. That's it? I asked not trying to mask the anger in my voice.

He looked at up from his paper work on his desk and just nodded. I'm sorry, but there is nothing to indicate why there is blood.

It wasn't a stone or cancer, Thank God. But it was still undiagnosed. That was four years ago. There is still blood in my bi-annual urinalysis, the same amount as when it seemed an emergency, but my doctor doesn't seem as concerned about it as he did when it was originally discovered.

I have given up being frustrated about it. Why get myself all worked up for nothing. Sure, it may turn into something, I am glad it is being monitored, I do keep track of anything I consider a symptom and during my bi-annual doctor visit I explain them, but the not knowing does make me wonder.

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