Pain, regret over time invested, resentment, hard feelings, sadness and even depression are direct by-products of a bad breakup. I think most adults at some time or another have experienced these strong emotions which, at the time, are overwhelming. Actually, you just feel like going back to bed and putting the covers back over your head to shield you from any more hurt.
A person seeks shelter in any consoling cave they may find. Good confidential friends who have huge listening ears are also sought. Just anywhere you can find quick relief is sought, but sometimes that relief is not as available as getting a hot burger from the fast food restaurants. Yes, relief from a bad breakup sometimes put you not only in a haze, but in a maze.
Here are some real tips which can help anyone who has experienced a bad breakup:
1. First recognize that despite your optimism that things would work out, they have not. So face the truth and tell yourself, "It is over!" That point of truth is pivotal to you coming to grips with the reality of it all. Of course, you might have a glimmer of hope that things can be mended, but in many cases too much damage has been done and it is time for you to look at your Plans A, B, C and D.
2. Next evaluate what caused the breakup - was it you or the other person? Be honest with yourself and review the good times and bad times you had together. Face up to the fact of how your personalities blended or did not blend. Try to figure out who was the aggresor and who was too passive.
3. Write down, if need be, the cycle of your relationship. Try to see it visually on paper. Map out how it got started and track the turns in the road that led down to the cul de sac or dead end. Try to analyze on your own why things just didn't gel.
4. Face the truth. That's the hardest part of it all. Remove yourself from the situation and look at the whole adventure as an outsider would. Pretend you are another person or even a counselor and give yourself some shots of reality and truth. Don't hide behind excuses and grand hopes that never materialized. Be forthright with yourself.
5. If the pain is too intense, borrow the ears of a confidential best friend. Pour your heart out and get his or her advise, however, know that that advise might not fully fit your case. If you have several friends with whom you can confide and you feel comfortable doing it, bring them in momentarily.
6. Don't have any pity parties for yourself. Know assuredly that all adults face catastrophes, but how they face them is key. Pity parties help you to go no where when it comes to moving on.
7. Begin to aggressively move forward. Consider yourself emancipated from a bad relationship. Consider yourself free now to explore some things that you've always wanted to do. Now you can meet new people, go new places, and become, perhaps, the person you've always longed to be. Remember, those who try to climb out of a pit usually succeed and avoid future ones.
8. Take pride in your appearance. Spruce yourself up. Get a new wardrobe if possible. Buy some new intriguing colonge. Pamper and treat yourself to a spa experience or good message. If you are a man, break out with new attire. Get a different haircut, grow a beard, or shave off a beard to give yourself a new appearance. This makeover technique will help you to begin to look forward to living each and every day.
9. Discard any friendships that would make you feel bad over your decision. Once you have broken up with a person, you don't need the naysayers who want you to suffer more misery. Get a set of new friends, if possible. Your new associates may be found in various places where wholesome people congregate. Make dinner dates with those who enjoy eating out at the better restaurants, which have great food and a peaceful environment. Even if you have fitness equipment in your home, you might try getting a membership in a local fitness gym where you can begin to meet new people and head down the road to keeping physically fit. Exercise is one of the best ways to help alleviate depression. Begin going back to church or find a church family.
10. There are times that a new location is advisable. If everywhere you look, you still are constantly being reminded of the other person who was in your life, you might need a complete change of scenery. Explore moving and getting a job elsewhere. People have tried this and surprised themselves. Not only have they recouperated from their past experiences, but have found new relationships that put zest and vitality back into their lives.
11. Envision your life in intervals - one year from now - two years from now, five years and onward. Your mental pictures will help you to move on. The sky is the limit, and don't ever subject yourself to the "I can't do it because..." syndrome. You can do all things with God's help and prayer. And you can startle yourself in the future because you have put forth the effort to be on target with your plans for your wonderful future.
12. Make no provisions for sadness. Anytime you are sad, read your Bible, pray, and tell yourself that life is too short to wallow in the sand. There are heights you must reach. There are mountains you must climb. There are fond aspirations you can have. There is untraveled country for you to transverse. Life is robust! You are strong! God will see you through it all, and in the end, as you look back, all of your wounds and scars will be healed and you will understand that everything happened for the best.
There is no one person in this world, male or female, whom you show allow to stagnate you. The world is vast and there are so many more people who will appreciate you for yourself and just as you are. Taking this optimistic outlook will help you to reach out from behind your curtains of grief, sadness and anxiety, and stretch out your hands to a wonderful life which is out there for you.