by Missy Dickerson

Created on: June 21, 2009

Her Last Words

I walked into her bedroom quietly.

A 30 year old woman turned instantly to seven.

Too scared to look at her pale sunken face

knowing she was going to leave

and hopefully go to heaven.

I kept my head down nervously;

my eyes safe and sound on the ground.

Timidly, I began to talk and try to muster

some semblance of a smile,

but nothing was found.

I took her hand into mine

absorbing the warmth of her skin.

Holding her hand from top to bottom

trying to find the right words,

but nothing came from within

My heart welled up with intense sorrow

I tried to stop myself from shaking

I held my breath and fought off my tears

I couldn't allow her to see

the pain I was feeling

There lay my mother, ravaged by cancer

beaten by time;weak and broken.

Her eyes closed as I droned on and on

about daily life waiting for words

never spoken

In the silent room,

I thought,

How could a woman

be so strong, kind and loyal

while raising 5 kids on her own?

How could a woman work the night shift

helping others to die

so they wouldn't be alone?

How could I live without her?

Not hearing her laughter or listening

to her advice;

waiting by the phone?

How can I make her live a little

longer, so we can hear her voice

instead of the cancer covered

moans?

Stop her pain!

As all these thoughts;

screamed and ranted through my mind,

like the scratching sound of metal on

metal as the train desperately tries to

stop as it halts and grinds

I put my forehead upon our hands

moving my head back and forth

trying to make sense out of this madness

that came from nowhere.

What was her life for?

Tears tragically streaming down my face

I can't stop the overflow any longer.

The fear and grief became too intense

I whispered "Please mom don't leave me."

feeling my body shiver.

For the last time, she heard my words

Her motherly instincts taking flight

Coming out of her morphine induced peace

Opened her brown eyes and lovingly said

Everything will be all right.

She used the last of her strength,

Then she closed her eyes as I stared and cried

She needed to take care of her little girl again

In disbelief, I wiped my tears

tucked her in and said good night.

standing from the metal fold up chair

carefully placed next to her hospital bed

properly positioned for the would be mourners

reality spinning

my heart filled with sadness and dread

At home in my bed I covered myself up.

wrapping the blankets tightly around me

Desperately wanting to feel safe and protected

from the world and the truth because

two days later; Marie rested peacefully.

Mom is gone and I was never the same.

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