Are You Living Next to Mr. Party?

We've all run across a neighbor or two in our lifetime who just could not say no to a drink. Every neighborhood has at least one "Otis" of Mayberry fame, who is the first to get to the party and the last to leave. If you think you might have a neighbor who likes the bubbly a bit too much, and the giant neon "Bud" sign flashing in your bedroom window from his garage at night hasn't tipped you off yet, here are a few more signs to look for in determining whether you should keep your stash of favorite beer locked inside your house instead of outside in your garage refrigerator.

Signs that your neighbor may be tipping a few too many...

You're starting to hear "hey, you got any beer?" in your sleep.

He just put in a new swimming pool, paid for entirely from proceeds of his recycled aluminum cans.

He thinks a boozehound is a breed of dog.

He filed a lawsuit against the local restaurant for discrimination for sending him a coupon for free food that excluded alcoholic beverages.

The local beer distributor makes regular stops to his home.

One day his wife rearranged the furniture while he was out, and he thought they'd moved.

Every time you try to tell him about the 12-step program, he tells you he can't even learn the two-step.

He borrows your rider mower, and you later see it parked at the local bar.

He quotes Homer Simpson.

The waste department sends out a special recycling truck every week just to handle his empties.

Every time someone tells him he needs to go to AA, he claims he's not a member.

He drives a late model Schwinn.

When introducing himself, he says, "Hi, my name's Scooter, but everyone calls me Bud."

He's the only guy at a picnic who can use his belly as a tray table.

You feel a little tipsy just standing there talking to him.

He constantly brags about the money he saves "watering the bushes."

He thinks getting ahead means pouring his beer into a glass very, very fast.

The local Mini-Mart has been re-named "Bud's" in honor of his patronage.

And...You need a million proofs of purchase to get one Budweiser outdoor awning. He's got 5.

And there you have it folks, a whole list of things to look for. If, however, after reading this list you still aren't sure if your neighbor is a tippler, sit outside on the front lawn some evening with your wife and a little cooler of beer next to you, and see how many seconds it takes for him to walk on up and ask "hey, ya got any more beer?"

Learn more about this author, Patti Beckert.
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