by Lisa Mazurek

Created on: June 21, 2009   Last Updated: March 23, 2010

Having a happy marriage takes work whether your parenting or not. Before our boys were born, our marriage was almost perfect. Yes, we had our financial problems and our disagreements just like any other couple but we loved each other. One of us always gave in and we never argued. Communication and listening are the keys to a successful marriage, even if you have children.

Eight years after we were married, I started getting that empty feeling. I wanted to give my husband a son. I always thought it was important for a man to have a son and carry on his name. Well, Joey was born and we were very happy.

My husband and I decided that we should have another child. Yes, we always discuss everything and make our decisions together. This is very important when problems arise. So we went back to work on our second attempt at baby making. Two years later I had another boy the day before my birthday. Nice birthday present. Now, we had a playmate for Joey or so we thought.

This is where the fun begins. Not knowing at the time that my oldest had Attention Deficit Disorder, I could not understand his behavior. The problems we had, different doctors, medications and the stress that was put on our marriage was tremendous. Some how we survived. Maybe love, understanding and compassion for each other helped.

With no family we resorted to Godparents and friends. They would take the boys and give us some free time. This was the best kind of help. We would go away for a weekend or just spend the weekend at home alone. I used self control and tried not to think about the boys. When I started to think about them, I kept it to myself. I knew my husband needed my attention.

We both worked full-time which gave us a break away from the boys.  We always took turns taking care of the boys. We had a great strategy when it came to giving them the same amount of attention. However, we forgot about ourselves. We neglected to see how each other felt about certain things. That is why some marriages fall apart because you think everything is going well and you stop paying attention to each other.

Many couples fail to communicate. Without communication, how do you know what is going on with each other? You can't forget about each other. Honesty is another key in keeping a relationship together.

Cooking, cleaning, laundry and taking care of babies is not easy. Mothers really need to feel appreciated by their husbands. We give so much love to our children and husbands that we actually start to feel unloved. This goes both ways. Mothers can't forget about the fathers either.

When my husband would say he feels left out, I would prepare a special dinner or just get him a little gift to say "I love you". Remember, give your man space. Don't give him a hard time because he wants to play poker with the boys or go fishing. Take time for yourself. Have dinner with your friends or a girl's night out. Do facials, massage and show off your new wardrobe.

Some other suggestions that can help you have a happy marriage is to not overload your life. Wait before getting pets or making expensive purchases. If you can afford it , hire a cleaning lady or maid to help out. Spend time with each other as a family.

If you need a break from the kids, don't ever feel guilty about it. A stable and relaxed parent is a more effective parent. To achieve this, you and your spouse must take care of your emotional and physical well-being.

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