by Greg Schwartz

Created on: June 21, 2009

Being able to exercise at a gym has many advantages over working out at home. But it also has one big fat disadvantage - other people.

People, on the whole, are a good bunch, but individual people (especially at the gym) can be nasty, temperamental creatures that are best avoided whenever possible. They have all sorts of rude habits that they exhibit prominently at the gym, as if showing them off.

- Extreme sweaters

Everyone sweats at the gym. But I'm sure there have been numerous times you've sat on a recently-vacated exercise machine - and then slid right off, because the person using it before you sweated out half his liquid body weight and neglected to wipe it up.

I don't mind my own sweat, but I don't want to stew in someone else's if I don't have to. Like the science fiction author Douglas Adams wrote, a towel "is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have." I'm sure he would have agreed that it's pretty handy at the gym, too.

- Grunters

You know what I'm talking about here. Every gym has grunters - the guys that pile weights onto a barbell, or grab the biggest dumbbells they can carry, and make a sound like a dying caveman every time they lift it. You can hear them clear across the gym, and they know it. And if there's a TV or radio playing, they'll grunt even louder.

- Weight hogs

Exercise seems to bring out the worst in some people. Whether they're using free weights or a lat pulldown machine, weight hogs will not relinquish their equipment for anything. These people are easy to spot... they'll be the ones straining not so much from exercise, but from trying to control their bladder because they don't want to get up.

- Bumps (on a log)

Every gym has people like this. They'll come in, all decked out in their sweat suits or shiny new workout clothes, do 5 or 10 minutes of actual exercise, and then just SIT. Invariably, they'll be sitting on a piece of equipment you'd like to use, rather than on a chair or bench. And if you ask them to move, they'll always "just be a minute."

- Talkers

God help you if you get cornered by one of these people. They'll approach you as you work out, seemingly innocent, and maybe ask where the restroom is or how long you're going to be with the treadmill, and then before you know it, it's 10 minutes later and they're still talking. They'll tell you all about their kids and their pets, their troubles at home, and meanwhile you're too nice to tell them to shut up. So you end up "having to go," either for a fake family emergency or a phony bathroom break. Then you duck out the back door and run for the car, and now, on top of not being able to finish your workout, you have to find a new gym because you know they'll pick up the conversation right where they left off next time they see you.

- Mirror lovers

It seems every time I go to the gym there's more and more of these people. They're easy to spot - they're the ones doing curls right in front of the full-length mirror, watching their biceps flex and extend with every rep. They'll even work out in slow motion, just to make sure they don't miss anything.

If you don't fit into any of these categories, God bless you. You're always welcome at my gym.

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