by Pam Nelson

Created on: June 20, 2009   Last Updated: June 23, 2009

Relationships have so many dimensions and depending on the type of relationship, there are many ways to end one. We will first assume that the parties facing a break up situation, have cared or do care for one another. With that premise, there can be a respectful way to look at ending a relationship. The first and foremost discussion is why. If you have been involved with someone, the why a relationship must end, is the number one factor in the process.

Common break up themes include:

The Deal Breaker

Grown Apart

Can't stop thinking about the other side of the fence

Once you have established the why, the how can be very different, the deal breaker being the most complex.

The Deal Breaker:

Every person will establish his or her own deal breakers. A deal breaker can be as diverse as there are people. Common examples are: physical or emotional abuse, legal issues, cheating, and an individual's personal destructive behavior. All are emotional and highly sensitive in nature and require a high level of care. Your own well-being is being affected by these deal breakers and often there is quite a bit of emotional investment in the situation and you really need to focus on your needs during these circumstances.

Every individual is responsible for his or her own behavior and needs to be accountable. Often in these situations, the partner will feel some responsibility and have enabled some behaviors that are difficult to let go of. If you find your self in a situation like this, it can be very helpful to seek support of a counselor, a clergy person or a close friend for support. This type of break up may be immediate for personal safety or may be carefully planned but in either circumstance, thoughtfulness is the order of the day.

Consider safety first, don't make excuses and have faith that there is always some way to handle this. This type usually requires a large shift in focus from the person perpetrating the deal breaker to the partner. This is generally new thinking and can be very challenging. Stay focused and strong and keep out of the emotional dumping ground. Take yourself out of the situation and focus on what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Grown apart or Changing Life Direction:

Wanting something more in life can lead to a more ambiguous type of break up. This one has a tendency to be all about ones personal needs not being met and there usually is a bit of selfish behavior involved. The important part of this break up is to really

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