Asleep on the couch, the seventeen year old was oblivious to the world around her. Her body jolted by a blow to the head, over swept with fear to the depths of her soul. The violent attack never let up, her head and ribs absorbed hit after hit. All she knew to do was fight back. Her fist connected with someone, while her eyes blinked with desperation to make out the blur of her attacker. No, it can't be. Her heart shattered into a billion pieces, as she fought for her life against her husband of one year.
"Divorce papers?" She whispered just before the blur turned to black and her body went limp. She knew he was being served with the papers that day. She also knew he didn't want the divorce, but had no idea he would react so violently. It wasn't the first time though.
Her eyes fluttered, but she couldn't quite get them open. The banging in the distance horrified her. Fear of him returning and she couldn't respond. He would kill her. Every fiber of her being forced her eyes to sling open just in time to see the screen door fly open. Her neighbor burst in sickened by the gory site.
Blood soaked her shirt and panties, that's all she was wearing. The walls were splattered and the couch was saturated by the blood bath.
She grabbed her nose and her hands immediately filled with blood. She discovered her tooth had penetrated through her top lip. To get a breath was near impossible, pain shot through her ribs.
She was me.
I looked like a freak with a broken nose, two fractured ribs, lips swollen inside out and two black eyes. Even worse was the pain and anger that festered in my heart. Loneliness doesn't begin to describe the way I alienated myself from everyone. In my mind, I wasn't worthy to breathe the air. I was trash to be thrown to the curb. Who in this round world could possibly love me? Physical wounds heal. Mental wounds associated with domestic violence are tougher to overcome. But it can be done!
There is a choice, to buckle under the stress or buck up to the stress! I chose to buck up. Oh yeah, I'm a bucker-upper! Never let another human being, especially one capable of such violence, control you. Refuse to be the victim of circumstances. You can rise above it.
You know the saying, what you say is what you are. So true. The things you say to yourself, that's exactly the way you will represent yourself and be portrayed to others. Don't lie to yourself! Get rid of all stinkin' thinkin'.
Here's a lie. I'm a loser, no wonder he beat me. This lie alone will have you carrying yourself like a loser and a victim. That's what others will see in you. Another problem this causes, you will attract other abusers. It happened to me, I remarried another abuser. Also, criminals look for those who carry themselves like a victim. So you see, your thoughts are what you draw into your life.
Truth is, he's a loser and he doesn't deserve you. This truth puts the attackers action right back on him and puts you above that kind of treatment. He has a problem that hopefully he will get help for, but don't carry his problem on your shoulders. Get up brush yourself off and know that everything will be alright. Get as far away from the abuser as possible and don't look back. Set small obtainable goals and focus on reaching them.
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. During this time it seems that your world is falling in around you. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people and keep your eyes on your immediate goal. Cut all communication with the abuser. Sure the abuser will be apologetic and confess his never dying love for you. And just how many times are you going to fall for that? Until the next time?
This subject is close to my heart obviously, and I could speak or write on it for days. I teach self-defense to victims of domestic violence and light a fire under them to buck up. Watching their self-confidence and self-worth build is priceless. So, I highly recommend a self-defense class.
It's time to buck up, baby!