by Karen Chaffee

Created on: June 19, 2009   Last Updated: June 21, 2009

With the passing of time, it is quite normal for the initial spark of passion between newly weds to dim. While this may be normal, it can leave a couple feeling estranged from one another, each feeling a bit alone in the relationship. Keeping the spark alive in your marriage or bringing back a spark that has dimmed is a reachable goal, one that yields benefits that stretch beyond the marriage.

*Recognize Things That Threaten That Spark

Busyness plays a big role. While we are busy trying to build a career, raise a family and juggle finances, the marital spark is one of the first things that gets put on the proverbial back burner. When you make the marriage a low priority, it will suffer accordingly.

Poor communication skills plays another role. To stay connected romantically, a couple must also stay connected verbally. It keeps you from becoming strangers and helps ward off the kind of arguments that can become harsh fights. This starts a cycle of disharmony that spills over into the romantic heat you once shared.

Financial problems cause many couples an inordinate amount of stress. If you cannot agree on how to spend and save your joint income, it enlarges the problem until it seems insurmountable.

Familiarity or predictability in your everyday life and in the bedroom, often leads to boredom and frustration with one another.

Letting others, such as relatives or friends, define what your marriage is or is not, can also present problems.

*Address The Threats Together

Nothing beats kind and open communication to keep the spark alive in your marriage. Stay connected. Discuss what is working and what is not when you're both rested and in a receptive mood. Brainstorm to see what each of you thinks will help enhance or bring joy back to your union. Discuss spending and saving until you can reach a mutually satisfying agreement. Do this with each thing you can identify as a problem that might be coming between you or dousing the spark between you.

Help one another with the every-day things, as well as in times of crisis rather than one or the other of you being an absentee partner. What you do each day to be supportive of each other will often be enough to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Make time for one another. Date each other again and spend some alone time as a couple each day. Set guidelines as to how much outside influence you will allow into your marriage.

Work on projects together, or enjoy hobbies and socializing together.

Enhance the ordinary by mixing it with the unexpected. Leave love notes here and there. Use spontaneous hugs, kisses, gifts and surprises, to fan the romantic spark.

Shake things up in the bedroom. Have fun, be playful, experiment together with open minds and open hearts and watch the passion level between you rise.

*Recommit To One Another

Some do this in a formal renewal of wedding vows and others take a more subtle and private approach. Whichever way you decide to go, embrace the fact that you are fortunate to have one another. Be friends as well as lovers and discuss or look at mementos of what first made you fall in love. Practice kindness and gratitude toward each other and acknowledge support when it is given. The best way to keep the spark alive in a marriage is never to take it, or one another for granted.

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