by Stephen Hammel

Created on: June 19, 2009

For years I espoused the deleterious effect of removing corporal punishment from our schools, and chided the various family agencies that railed against hitting children for any reason. After all, my generation, and many before it, had our backsides tanned for many an infraction. For the most part, we grew up to respect the hand that swatted us, and to not resent the fact that we got what we deserved. Then I had children of my own, and found myself at the front of a classroom full of potentially hostile students - some of whom could probably squash me in a physical confrontation. What I learned through experience is that there is rarely an event that warrants hitting someone, particularly if the desire is for something positive to be learned.

There is one distinction that must be made between corporal punishment and physical discipline. Punishment is an action designed to make a person regret what they have done. It is the consequence for the crime, and is meted out without emotion, but with due process. Conversely, discipline is an attempt to teach someone to think through a situation prior to the action. In a nutshell, where discipline is proactive, punishment is reactive. On that same plane, punishment is concrete whereas discipline is abstract.

As previously stated, punishment should follow a due process where the infraction is discussed, guilt determined beyond the shadow of doubt, and then dispensed without emotion or fanfare. In my experience, few people are capable of this. Moreover, punishment by parents is delivered among high emotions, without much discussion, and leaving the punished party emotionally and physically distressed without a full understanding of the situation. This leaves resentment, embarrassment, and the possibility of long-term physical issues caused by the punishment. Any relationship between the punisher and the punished is at this point severely strained, rarely completely recoverable, and encumbered by fear of the next punishment - because there will always be another opportunity.

Discipline is different. It is a reflection on the action, a discussion of the reaction, and an acceptance of the consequences for the action. Those consequences are directly tied to the action, and provide an emotional response toward the event, rather than toward the disciplinarian. Once the disciplinary action is completed - which could last moments, hours, days, or even weeks - another reflection is conducted to ensure that the intended lesson has been learned. The disciplinarian does not take the roles of judge, jury, and executioner, but rather elaborator of consequence. If the infraction caused others hardship, then that hardship is broadened to include the person who brought it about. Should others be inconvenienced by thoughtlessness, then the thoughtless individual is encouraged to think tenfold about action without thought. This is the basis of civil lawsuits, restitution, and community service requirements under the edict of our justice system.

Like our justice system, however, there are special circumstances where punishment is warranted. However, as an enlightened society, punishments rarely involve direct physical interventions such as spanking, slapping, or punching. Capital punishment, a discussion on its own, is reserved for particularly heinous situations, and is executed under exacting regulations. Countries who utilize caning, stoning, and public humiliation are often harshly criticized by the global community. As adults, we should always be trying to teach our children right from wrong. These lessons are made impossible through the haze of tears and the stinging of a belt across our backsides.

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