Notes from an Amateur Golfer

Someone said it was time to retire. Wow! What an amazing word: re-tire. Take off the old tires and put on the new ones. I packed up my books, cleaned out my desk and headed down to the pro-shop to purchase a set of golf clubs, bag and cart. 'Pro-shop': the word sent shivers down my neck. I was feeling lofty. What the heck, I thought, let me purchase a few lessons as well. It's best to start a new venture with all one's oars in the boat or ducks in a row orwhat is a golf expression that means completely organized? There was more to learn about this golf thing than just buying the stuff. Golf has its own language.

And so I started my infatuation with the game that took its name from a politically incorrect acronym: gentlemen only; ladies forbidden. Good thing times have changed, I thought as I eyed the pink and white golf shoesbetter wait until I am less than an amateur. Aha, the first definition: 'amateur'-one who has never accepted money in exchange for golf either as a prize in a tournament or as someone endorsing a product. I was an amateur far beyond the golfing definitionpossibly a duffer. I had never held a golf clubunless of course you count miniature golf. I had never been on a golf courseunless of course you count attending a wedding ceremony that was held at a club. I had never pushed a tee into the ground and never positioned a ball on a tee. I knew nothing.

The lessons went well. I learned how to grip the golf club, how to swing, how to keep my eye on the ball and how to follow the swing through turning my body in the process in positions that it was not intended to by our Maker. It was time to meet up with some friends and play a friendly game of golf.

It was a gorgeous morning. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, the air was so pure that my lungs had to get used to the amount of oxygen they were getting. If for no other reason, take up golf for the fresh air and beauty of the surroundingsnot to mention the exercise value. Yes, we walked, pulling our carts behind us.

I felt good. I stuck my tee into the ground. I balanced my ball on the tee. I chose Big Berthamy #1 wood club, that the instructor had suggested. I gripped the club, turned my body from the hips, glued my eyes to the ball and swung. Did you see where it went? I yelled to my friends. Yes, right there! they yelled back in unison. I learned several new printable golf terms at that moment: topped, divot, rough and bad lie. Now a

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