by Susan Marie Wells

Created on: June 19, 2009

Remember the comic strip where the cartoon character is telling his dog something and all the dog is really
hearing is "Blah, blah, blah...?" This is what I think happens when a couple goes to communication classes.
At least that was my experience when my husband and I sat in on the _Making Love Last Forever_ videos
our church was showing to the adults while the kids were gathering in their age groups for Bible study.

The speaker was magnificent as he went through the various methods a couple could use to "connect." I sat
on the edge of the pew while my husband leaned back and got comfortable for what looked like a long anticipated
nap. You can be sure that I was taking notes, while my husband was creating them with his snores. He was not
intimidated by my elbow pokes or gentle nudges to wake up and pay attention either! Nor did he think it was ill-mannered
to catch a few winks after I confronted him about it on the drive home. He simply went along to make me happy, and he
would make the best of it. He had not remembered a thing that was taught; therefore, he could not engage in any interaction
with me about it!

On another of my eager attempts to educate the two of us on how to communicate, we went for a week of counseling in the
beautiful mountains of Buena Vista, CO and stayed at a swank bed and breakfast on the Arkansas River even. Each morning
those of us who had enrolled in this program sat and listened to the counselor talk about the "iceberg." As you may have guessed,
I was taking copious notes. But this time my husband was not snoozing. He seemed to enjoy the subject. In the afternoon, we would
meet with the counselor together. Ours just happened to be a male. Several subjects came up where the male counselor sided with
my husband. When this happened, I realized that the rest of the week was going to be very difficult because here was another man
sitting with my husband who thought just like him. I was completely turned off and realized that if this ever happened again
that I would be sure to have a female counselor sitting there too.

So far, we've abandoned all outside help. I've learned to speak my husband's language just like I have learned to speak my dog's
language, my bosses' language and all others that I need to communicate with on a daily basis. The one who taught me to commincate with him is my husband. I took the time to watch, observe, and find the many ways he responds favorably. If a man and
wife are committed to their marriage working than they will work for their marriage by spending some time learning what works for
their spouse.

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