Becoming attached to one's baby is not usually something that one must give a lot of thought or effort to doing. In most cases, a woman who wishes to become a mother will have become bonded to the child while he is still in utero; some women sense a near-instant bond at birth.
For these new mothers, becoming attached to their child usually progresses smoothly and quickly. Sometimes, however, there are bumps in the road, such as nervousness and tension, distractions, or even the health of either mother or child. Adoption, too, can pose its own set of problems.
When these issues arise, there are many things a new mother can do to improve the relationship. To begin with, relax and enjoy your new baby. Very few people can ever say they actually dropped a baby, or accidentally injured a baby; hardly anyone has ever unintentionally damaged a child so severely that he couldn't recover. Take time, as well, to examine the marvel of this small bundle - go ahead, count her fingers and toes, look at those tiny nails and button-nose. This is your child, created, living, alive, and who came from you, her parent. Marvel at this tiny miracle.
Feeding a baby, whether by breast or bottle, can help create a connection. Whether the much-touted skin-to-skin method is used, or a simple cuddle, feeding not only provides contact but nourishment. Providing sustenance cannot but help create a bond between two individuals. This, of course, is the main reason a parent is cautioned not to prop a bottle but instead to hold and assure and comfort the baby during feeding.
Daily care, likewise, promotes attachment. Just as an individual will feel closer to one with whom she undertakes the responsibility of any type of attention, such as changing, scheduling, playing and interacting with, that individual will also form and strengthen a bond with her infant. Talk to the baby - will she understand all that is said? No, but the tone will come across loud and clear: soft, encouraging, interested, gentle.
Occasionally, a new mother may feel very little for her child. This often is attributed to health issues, or feelings of incompetence, or even a secret wish to have not become a mother in the first place.
If a mother doesn't feel well, physically, she may have little interest in the baby; if the baby has health problems, the mother may also be fearful of attachment, believing that potential loss will be too much to bear.
Maternal health and recovery is very important, and a solution would be to take advantage of those who say, If there's anything I can do... A spouse, of course, should do all he can to care for the mother, but also be supportive of her need - especially if it goes unrecognized - to be a part of the baby's daily care and activities. This should be stressed and the mother should be allowed, even pressured a bit, to participate as much as possible.
Fearing potential loss is, of course, a natural feeling - whether the child is one-week or six-months or ten-years-old. The healthy choice is to bond, and relate, and interact regardless of possible outcome; the detrimental affects of a mother rejecting her child on the chance of that child's untimely death will be far and away much more severe than if she chooses to both love and grieve. Denying feelings is far more negative for a new mother, given her fragile hormonal state immediately after giving birth.
Feelings of incompetence and fears of being unable to care for a newborn are very real - while most women do have access to information throughout their pregnancy, some do not, and some, of course, still will not believe that they can be fully responsible for a tiny person. For any mother experiencing doubt, prenatal or post-natal classes and instruction can be invaluable.
Oftentimes, a new mother will be so stressed thinking of the future - potty training, preschool, even college - that she will be unable to fully engage with a new infant. These are things which seldom enter the picture full-force at birth, but have been present during the pregnancy and should be addressed at that time.
There are women who do not wish to become mothers, or perhaps the timing is wrong for them, or they may even see motherhood as a type of prison or a lifestyle change for which they are unprepared. Some of these women, unfortunately, take advantage of societal choices and do not give birth; others do so and continue to feel trapped.
Much has been written about postpartum depression; the sign and physiological symptoms are very real. Mothers who develop depression must have additional support and help and, sometimes, medication to alleviate symptoms. These mothers may have much difficulty in bonding with the child; often the child is blamed for the issues being faced, and professional help should be sought immediately.
Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding - all of these are natural occurrences and should present no untoward difficulties. Modern medicine and greater knowledge, however, do present and provide many solutions and interventions for nearly all aspects of child-raising. Becoming attached to a new infant is normally as simple as giving birth, but when issues arise, there is plenty of help available.