by Suzette Baker

Created on: June 19, 2009

There are so many things that I want to say to you but I know I never will. I keep my true feelings hidden deep within out of respect for you. If there was anything my grandparents every taught me, it was to respect my parents. For so many years, I tried to be the child you wanted but I finally realized that no matter what I did or didn't do, I would never be the person you wanted me to be. Perhaps, that is because you could never find it within yourself to accept me unless I was just like you.

I guess if I could ask you one question, it would be, why did you have me? You knew my dad never wanted kids but yet here I am. I knew something was wrong when you gave me away when I was so young. Yes, you came back and got me, but what you don't realize is that you ruined my life when you did that. I had a good life. You knew that when you gave me to your parents, that they would take care of me. They gave me the one thing you have never been able to give me, unconditional love.

When you came to take me home with you, my world fell apart. How could you expect me, a five year old child, to adapt to a new home with a parent I barely knew and a new step-dad at the same time? How could you let him beat me for eight long years and pretend like nothing was happening. You were not there to protect me when I needed you, but you claimed you loved me. Where were you when my step-brother molested me? How could you keep me a situation like that when you knew what was going on? I know you were scared of being alone, of being a single parent, but you sacrificed me for your own happiness. The sad part is, even you weren't happy. You didn't marry for love. You married for a paycheck and to avoid living alone.

I will never forget all those years that I suffered. I am still haunted by memories of the bruises and sprained arms. Memories of being beaten with fists and pushed through walls still haunt my dreams. Where were you when I needed you? I have tried for so many years to explain your absence and come to terms with what you did to me. But, the unavoidable truth is that you were there, you watched it all happen and yet, you did nothing to help me.

I was scared to death when you had my sister. The thought of her going through the same thing as me, kept me awake at night worrying. Then, when you brought her home from the hospital and expected me to take care of her and raise her, it was more than I was prepared to deal with. I was only twelve. The one thing I have to give you

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