by Tami Beck

Created on: June 19, 2009   Last Updated: June 21, 2009

Though we grieve when we lose a loved one, most people understand that death is a natural part of life. We might feel the void left when a grandparent or parent dies, but we know that death is part of the cycle of life, and we accept it as such. Though we mourn our loss, we still smile, reminisce, and even laugh with the memories of the way they touched our lives. Though we always miss them, we accept their absence as the natural order of life.

When we lose a child, it's much more difficult to reconcile that death with the cycle of life. The death of a child seems to violate the natural order of life, and the ensuing confusion leaves us ill-equipped to deal with that loss. How do you deal with the loss of a child? How can you find that place of reconciliation between life and your child's death? Every parent grieves differently, of course, and come to acceptance at different times in the grieving process. But through my own grief experience, when my daughter died unexpectedly at age sixteen, I've learned that there are several things that can help ease the pain of that journey toward inner peace.

It's important to acknowledge the fact that your family dynamics have been drastically altered. While it's important to keep some family traditions "whole", especially if there are siblings, it's vital to restructure those traditions sometime. For instance, the most challenging hurdle that my son and I had to get over was where to eat our family evening meal. I had always insisted that we eat together at the kitchen table. Our evening meal was our time to connect, to touch base with each other in the midst of our busy days. After my daughter's death, I knew it was important to keep that tradition, but sitting at the kitchen table continuously reminded us only of her glaring absence. So we started to eat our evening meals in the living room. We maintained the tradition of sitting together to eat, but restructured the tradition enough to rebuild our family dynamics less painfully. Now, four years later, we still eat in the living room, but now we also fondly remember some of the conversations in the kitchen. By restructuring that family tradition, we gave ourselves the opportunity to focus on my daughter's part of family life, and not her absence from it.

Some families find it comforting to set up a memorial corner, either in the house or outside. Some plant a memorial garden, and decorate it with some of the child's favorite things. Family members can gather in the

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