You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. This old saying is more true than most people know. How you feel about yourself directly impacts every relationship you have. Many people who suffer from low self esteem enter the dating arena looking for someone else to give them and their life validation. This is entirely the wrong reason to date and only sets the person up for failure.
Low self esteem sabotages a relationship from the beginning and makes it impossible for either party to enjoy spending time together.
The person who suffers from low self esteem constantly suffers from self doubt. They are continually asking themselves what the other person sees in them. such feelings of unworthiness leads the person with low self esteem to seek constant attention and reassurance from the person they are dating. No matter how much reassurance they receive they still find themselves needing more and more, as they are unable to believe the assurances they are given no matter how sincere or heartfelt that assurance is.
The person who is always expected to supply the assurances eventually begins to feel burdened and even smothered by the constant demands of their dating partner. What once seemed like a sweet self effacing personality, soon becomes a drag on the relationship. Weary of having to constantly stroke their partners ego, they may at first try and discuss the problem but, when the behavior continues they soon start looking for a way out of the situation. Most times ending the relationship entirely.
The person who already has a self esteem problem begins to feel even worse about themselves. Unable to see their own needy behavior as the cause of the problem and the break up, they convince themselves that they were right all along and that they are "unlovable."
Unless something happens to break this cycle, the person will repeat this self fulfilling prophecy over and over again. Loosing more self esteem each time the pattern is repeated.
In worse case situations, the person suffering from low self esteem, finds themselves in an abusive relationship. It might start out with verbal abuse in which their partner, throws insults and resorts to name calling. The person puts up with this behavior because somewhere deep inside they feel they deserve exactly the kind of treatment they are getting and convince themselves that their partner is only being cruel to help them see what they are doing wrong.
As things progress, physical abuse may accompany the verbal abuse and by this time the victim has completely convinced themselves that if they leave the relationship they won't find any one else to love them. They believe that this relationship is the best one they can have and are even grateful that the abuser does not leave them for someone Better. By the time they recognize the untruth of this assumption, they are usually too frightened to try and extradite themselves from this dangerous situation.
Many times it takes a concerned individual who sees what is going on in the relationship to help the person get out and start over. Sometimes help comes to late.
While there are varying degrees of low self esteem, and not every relationship that has a partner with self esteem issues ends in tragedy or even a break up, the relationship is seldom as joyous or as rewarding for either party as it could be.
The best way to prevent low self esteem from destroying or crippling your relationship is to deal with this issue before you begin to date. Take stock of yourself determined what you like about yourself and concentrate on those traits.
Develop interests that you enjoy and can continue taking part in whether you are in a relationship or on your own. Having interests gives you an outlet for your creativity and also makes you a more confident and interesting person.
Most of all learn to see yourself as a unique and worthwhile person. Remember no one is perfect and that includes yourself. Take the time to love yourself, and you will find that sharing who you are with someone else makes for a happier relationship for you both.