by Martie Lownsberry

Created on: June 18, 2009

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. This old saying is more true than most people know. How you feel about yourself directly impacts every relationship you have. Many people who suffer from low self esteem enter the dating arena looking for someone else to give them and their life validation. This is entirely the wrong reason to date and only sets the person up for failure.

Low self esteem sabotages a relationship from the beginning and makes it impossible for either party to enjoy spending time together.

The person who suffers from low self esteem constantly suffers from self doubt. They are continually asking themselves what the other person sees in them. such feelings of unworthiness leads the person with low self esteem to seek constant attention and reassurance from the person they are dating. No matter how much reassurance they receive they still find themselves needing more and more, as they are unable to believe the assurances they are given no matter how sincere or heartfelt that assurance is.

The person who is always expected to supply the assurances eventually begins to feel burdened and even smothered by the constant demands of their dating partner. What once seemed like a sweet self effacing personality, soon becomes a drag on the relationship. Weary of having to constantly stroke their partners ego, they may at first try and discuss the problem but, when the behavior continues they soon start looking for a way out of the situation. Most times ending the relationship entirely.

The person who already has a self esteem problem begins to feel even worse about themselves. Unable to see their own needy behavior as the cause of the problem and the break up, they convince themselves that they were right all along and that they are "unlovable."

Unless something happens to break this cycle, the person will repeat this self fulfilling prophecy over and over again. Loosing more self esteem each time the pattern is repeated.

In worse case situations, the person suffering from low self esteem, finds themselves in an abusive relationship. It might start out with verbal abuse in which their partner, throws insults and resorts to name calling. The person puts up with this behavior because somewhere deep inside they feel they deserve exactly the kind of treatment they are getting and convince themselves that their partner is only being cruel to help them see what they are doing wrong.

As things progress, physical

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