by Shannon Lausch

Created on: June 18, 2009

The room looked like any other community meeting place. An assortment of mismatched and battered chairs formed a semi-circle; cheap florescent lights flickered and buzzed; and a long table draped with cheap white cloth offered a plate of cookies, a pitcher of Kool-Aid, and a carafe of coffee.

But something about this meeting was very different. The people here were, well, odd. About thirty or so were gathered in the room. All had pale skin, long canines, and were wearing an assortment of black clothing: black, flowing dresses for the females and fine black suits with capes for the males.

Most of them looked forlorn: shuffling their feet, avoiding eye contact with the others, and not making any conversation at all. Some were clutching books that were falling apart at the seams. A few were still perusing the books, underlining passages with quick jabs. One man started repeatedly stabbing his rather large book. A woman went to get a cup of Kool-Aid, took a sip, and promptly spat it out, a look of utmost disgust on her face.

Another man - distinctly taller, thinner, and more pale than the rest - entered the room and all eyes turned to him as he slammed the lights off and took his place at the podium in front of the semi-circle.

"I think we all know why this meeting was called," he said in a hissing voice.

Murmurs passed through the crowd.

"Our reputation as a species is at stake," the leader continued. "Recent pop culture has ruined our mystique, our power, our influence. First, Anne Rice turned on us. Then, we vampires were forever typecasted as gloomy lovers. But we still had a reputation as dangerous creatures of the night! Now, that's being destroyed as well. We're suffering from a recent spate of vampire romance that takes away all our bite. People think we're cuddly! That we're their protectors! That we love particularly clumsy girls! It's outrageous! We're better than this my friends!"

The vampires glanced at each other as if to say, are we really?

One vampire timidly raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the leader.

"Well, couldn't this be a good thing? I mean, I for one, like being equated with that fellow in the Twilight movie - "

"Robert Pattinson is a menace!" spat the leader.

Two female vampires started giggling.

The leader ignored them. "Just take a look at this passage: 'He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.'"

"It's horrendous purple prose, it is!" shouted one

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