by Dolores Moore

Created on: June 18, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

Believe it or not, once I was too shy to do more than blush, nod and smile, afraid to open my mouth and utter a word; just in case stupid, boring nonsense would pour forth. In a social setting, I was like a stuffed toy with a big silly grin on its face. It was a case of total self-consciousness. How could I be sociable when all I concentrated on was me? The more I thought of how I looked, sounded or felt, the worse it became, until it appeared that there was more life in a bottle of wine. This had to stop and it did, when at 19 years old, I left home to go across the sea to university. Socializing was almost a required part of the curriculum, so I decided there and then to stop thinking of me and start learning about these complete strangers with foreign accents. From that "road to Damascus" experience, comes my tips for socializing with people.

Rule 1: Dress your appropriate best for any social occasion, to give you confidence - then forget about it. Smile at everybody, use their name when you greet them. Enjoy the moment.

Rule 2: Ask "How are you?" or "What have you been doing/reading/watching?" Be totally sincere when you ask questions and listen to the answers.

Rule 3: Make a real conversation by following up with more open questions, then answer any put to you with honesty and enthusiasm. Pick topics that will lead this conversation to greater depths and connection.

Rule 4: Do not rattle on about yourself, there is nothing more off-putting and boring than "me, me, me." Find a common interest and explore, it either one to one or with a group. A book, a film, a new beer, anything that gets everybody involved will do.

Rule 5: Try to engage the more shy and quiet people, bringing them into the action. It is amazing how interesting the shy ones can be, so long as they feel welcomed and listened to.

Rule 6: Look out for the oldies or less able in any social gathering. Help by serving them food or getting them drinks. Spend a little time talking with them. Kindness shines out when socializing with people.

Rule 7: Know when it is time to leave, say thank you, and when it is appropriate, exchange phone numbers and make plans to meet up again.

Rule 8: Repay the hospitality with a gathering of your own. You will be so busy thinking about other people, having fun in their company, that socializing will become an easy, natural activity that brings you a lot of pleasure, new friends and more confidence.

Finally, just be your very own, nice self. That is the best rule I can offer, when you think about socializing with people.

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