by Dolores Moore

Created on: June 18, 2009

Not for nothing is it called the "gentle art of persuasion," because to persuade someone to do something for you requires a gentle touch and relies on the art of getting along with people. If you are someone who happily helps others in time of need, who takes a kind, gentle approach with everyone, then you are well on the way to persuading, and succeeding, in getting that something done for you.

On the other hand, if you tend to look the other way, or to steer clear of other's problems, then persuading someone to do something for you is going to prove rather more difficult, if not impossible. But there are ways you can use, requiring negotiating and influencing skills, that might just be persuasive enough to work for you. How you approach your request, and what you need done, depends on the person you are asking, and your relationship with them.

With family, you can be open and honest when asking for something to be done for you. If you are the first sort of person described here, then little persuasion is required; your family know you will always reciprocate. However, if the family has come to expect disinterest from you, you will definitely need to use your powers of persuasion and those tactics mentioned earlier.

You can appeal to their good nature, explain the benefits of doing this "something," then offer to do something for them in return. To influence a decision in your favor, you will need to make those benefits worthwhile for the person. This is known as the Features and Benefits influencing tool, where you lay out the concrete things about a task that do not change, but turn them into benefits for the person who you wish to do something for you. Alongside this, you are using the WIFM (What's In It For Me) factor that can be very persuasive on the grounds that it will ultimately benefit the individual if they comply with your request.

The same principles apply whether you are negotiating with colleagues, the stubborn neighbor, the rebellious child; somehow it feels less than honest and a bit like bribery, but it does work effectively. All of which leads me to believe that approaching the issue from a standpoint of a true desire to request and offer help, is much the better option. Sometimes, a simple "I really need your help because I know you can do this," is all that is needed to persuade someone to do something for you.

Heavy-handed tactics work too, like making somebody aware of the negative consequences, should they refuse to help. But is that really the preferred course of action? Reluctant, press-ganged, the person might comply, but be assured, they will not respect you, nor will they be willing to be persuaded in future.

So, if you want to persuade someone to do something for you, be kind, be gentle, show them appreciation and most of all, let them know that you too can be persuaded to help. Now, let me ask you.......?

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