by Justine Southwick

Created on: June 18, 2009

To say my mother and I haven't always got along is an understatement. I think we used to, when I was a kid, but I was always closer to my dad. Then I hit my teens, and pretty much hated them both for a while, as teenagers do. I cringe when I think of some of the things I did to them. But that's another story.

By the time I came out of my teens, it seemed there was too much water under the bridge for my mother and I to rebuild our relationship. I moved in and out of home, always arguing madly with her when I was living with her and Dad. I left the country at 24 for a working holiday in the UK and while away missed her like mad. But, looking back, I think I realised there was something missing. I have an older sister and she's always been extremely close to Mum, and I guess I envied their relationship.

When I came back 18 months later and moved back in with the parents while I looked for work, I reverted to being a teenager and fought constantly with her. I got work and left town, only to move back six months later and that's when I really began to see her as a person and not just my annoying mother.

From then on, we got along on the surface but, despite the occasional heart to heart, still didn't confide in each other. I always felt she favoured my sister and I resented her for that. Mum always offered me advice about various things and I rarely took it, preferring to believe I knew best. But she always turned out to be right.

Things finally came to a head just after my 30th birthday. I found out the man who would have been my husband had had a baby with someone else. When I told my mother I felt like she brushed me off as if it wasn't important, and all of a sudden I'd had enough. I thought about our conversation all the next day, and realised I wanted to have the kind of relationship with her I see other mothers and daughters having.

So I called her the next night and told her that. I told her I thought our relationship could use some work, that we'd never really talked about anything, and I thought we should. She suggested I visit her, so we could go walking together and talk. So I did.

And it was really nice. We went for a couple of walks, went shopping, went out for lunch and coffee etc, spent some time with her friends, and it was all very relaxing. It felt like a real holiday and I hadn't realised how much I needed that.

I then and still have my dream job in a city 90 minutes away from where my parents live. I talk to Mum most days and see her every few weeks. There isn't much that happens in my life she doesn't know, and I finally feel like we're friends. Our relationship is so much better because we treat each other accordingly. We can discuss things we would have fought about before. I'm loving it. I feel regret for all the years we missed, but better late than never.

I think I have the best mother in the world and I'm so lucky.

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