by C L Smith

Created on: June 18, 2009   Last Updated: June 23, 2009

I have a lot to do. But where do you start? Or should you start?

I am a bona fide type 'A' personality. What is worse is that having been diagnosed with ADD as a child, I am prone to think that any 'A' - type A or not - that lands in close proximity to me is a very great thing indeed. But sadly, my best friend infers that in this case perhaps not. Actually, this statement could be expanded to say that my assumption related to the benefit of being a type A personality is questioned by most of my friends. Fortunately, I don't remain in the same place long enough to query the remainder of the population.

I don't know. It is more than a little frustrating, almost psychosis inducing, to have been encouraged as a child to achieve, achieve, achieve only to suddenly reach a ripe oldish age and be encouraged to not, not, not.

I have definitely been a member in fairly good standing for the Type A Anonymous group. The meetings did not seem to work. But what were the odds of success? A person who is prone to accomplishing tasks quickly is removed from her natural surroundings and placed in an unbelievably calm, self-reflective environment for an interminable period of time where she is also expected to comply with certain Roberts Rules of Order that prohibit toe tapping, leg shaking, and body rocking. The reality is that the larynx of the session lead remains intact only due to an act of God. During our relaxed little meetings, I have tried creating mental grocery lists, visualizing problem solutions, focusing on re-lax-ing my shoul-ders and plac-ing my ha-nds in my la-up only to find myself thinking, What is your point? What is your point? What is your point? Yes. Should the inclination strike me, I am sufficiently in control to stop these thoughts and think something more appropriate such as Is there a point to this? Is there a point to this? Is there a point to this?

I have no control over this. It is my parents' responsibility.

One of my earliest memories is graduating from the play room to the room with the entertainment center (yep, our house had a labeled room for any and every activity) and being introduced to the Power of Positive Thinking. As my legs that were much too short to reach the floor dangled from the edge of the couch, Mr. Norman vouched ad infinitum on the ability of one to ACCOMPLISH given the correct thought processes. I was hooked. The seed was planted. The indelible brain map made.

So short of spending the time and money to determine if I am an appropriate candidate for neurofeedback in order to normalize my brainwaves, I will cheerfully remain what I am. And part of what I am is quite content that I have the energy to audition for the role of the understudy for the Energizer Bunny. And another part of me is equally satisfied that I care enough to do, do, do.

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