by Christine G.

Created on: June 18, 2009   Last Updated: July 02, 2011

Long distance relationships are becoming increasingly commonplace. In today's world, women no longer follow their men without a second thought. They consider their own careers and preferences just as important as their spouse's. Long-distance relationships are often the best short-term solution to incompatible careeer demands or other goals. Living apart presents serious challenges as well as opportunities for growth. Couples who have been joined at the hip often benefit from the breathing space to grow as individuals.

How to survive?

1. Consider whether you really want to undertake the challenge of a long-distance relationship. If your relationship is relatively new, and you are not yet married, it is probably better to let go of each other and let nature take its course. Then, you will be free to enjoy contact with each other, as well as explore other possibilities, without feeling guilty. If this turns out to be the great love of the millennium, you will be drawn back together. If not, you have saved yourself a lot of grief.

2. Form a support group with others who are in a long-distance relationship. That will give you someone to talk to who will understand what you are going through.  You can encourage each other and pool your ideas for coping.

3. Don't sit around moping because you can't participate in the couples activities which you are used to. Team up with others in a similar situation, learn new skills, and create some new traditions.

4. Keep in touch. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it is easily overlooked when you are busy. You need to spend quality time communicating with each other.  Stay in touch with the details of your everyday experiences.  Explore the changes that are taking place in both of you. With today's technology, it is relatively cheap and easy to talk to each other every day, or at least send e-mails.

5. Do not try to micromanage your partner's life from a distance. This is a chance to develop trust, not only in your partner's commitment to you, but also in his or her ability to cope without you. It feels good to be needed, but it feels even better to be wanted for yourself rather than for what you can do.

6. Make the most of the time you have together. Get some rest ahead of time, and plan activities you both enjoy.  Don't forget to leave space for quality intimate time for cuddling and talking.

7. Have a concrete plan for getting back together. If you keep putting it off, one day at a time, it may never happen.

8. Expect some bumps in the road. Problems happen when a couple is together. They also happen when a couple is apart. If you disagree, it's not conclusive proof that the whole long-distance thing was a mistake. It simply means that you are human, and that your relationship is grounded in the real world instead of a fairy tale.

9. Don't expect everything to be wonderful the minute you are re-united. Re-adjusting to being together is just as difficult as adjusting to being apart.

Spending time apart is a dangerous opportunity that will make or break your relationship.  Are you up to the challenge?

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