It is often said that you will only find out exactly how strong your marriage is once you have children. This could not be more true. A newborn baby will put strain onto the strongest of relationships, and breakdowns often occur after the first child is born. But, it is possible to keep a marriage happy and healthy even if you are both busy parents and it doesn't matter how many children you have.
Parenting takes up your time, energy and spirit. Even though you love your children with everything you have, they drain you. Exhaustion from busy parenting means that at the end of the day, when the children are asleep and you should be having some quality time with your other half, all the pair of you really want to do, is rest and prepare for the next day.
Communication
Communication is key to the survival of any relationship. It is important that you both discuss any problems or stresses together. If something is worrying you, whether it be with the children, your marriage or yourself, talk to your spouse. Discussing worries and concerns will take the weight off of your shoulders. As the saying goes: "A problem shared, is a problem halved."
It is also important that you tell each other what is going on generally. Ask about each others' day, even the mundane details can give you something new to talk about. When you are not talking, stress and anxiety build up, which can cause arguments and instead of talking, you end up shouting at each other.
Dating
Take yourself back to when you first met. Remember that new feeling, that experience of romance and lust. It is vital that you keep your marriage alive and fresh. Even if it is only once a month, hire a babysitter or ask friends or family to help so that you can both go out on a date. Do something that you both enjoy; go out for a meal and a film, go to a club, get tickets for the theater, anything to get you both out of the house! Remember that you are still a couple, even after you have had a baby.
Sex
Just because you are now parents does not mean that you have to give up on your sex life. Exhaustion is the main factor behind the sex in a marriage fading. Remind each other why you were attracted in the first place. Sometimes sex is disturbed by a child waking up, so organise an overnight babysitter; a grandparent, aunt or uncle. Book a hotel and stay away from the home. Or alternatively, ask if your child can stay at their house. Camp-outs are great fun and children love spending time with their extended family, so there is no need to feel guilty about having some quality time together.
Family Time
Spending time together as a family is just as important as spending time as a couple. Parenting itself can become monotonous and routine, so take a break from this too. On a nice day, go out for a walk or a picnic. Take the children to the local playground or visit an interesting sight. In the summer, going to the beach can be so much fun; the children will enjoy the sun and waves whilst you and your other half can relax and enjoy each other. Combining parenting and dating is a wonderful mix.
No Pressure
When you are busy raising children it can be easy for little but important jobs to be forgotten. Shelves and pictures don't get put up, the bin begins to overflow before it is taken out, and you can begin to argue about who should be doing what. Just because you are at home all day whilst the other person goes to work does not mean that either one of you is more busy than the other. Share the chores out and do what you can, when you can.
It may be advisable to write out a rota or a checklist so that once something has been done you can tick it off, and you don't feel pressured to do certain tasks on a day when you are just too busy or tired. Does it really matter if the ironing is done as and when you need it and not all in one go? Does it really matter if the do-it-yourself jobs take longer? Prioritise what is important and what is not entirely necessary.
Although it may seem impossible to keep a marriage happy when you are busy parenting, it really isn't. It is all about dividing your time between your children and yourselves. Even a newborn baby does not need you 24 hours a day; there will be times when the children are asleep or happy amusing themselves when you can spend time on your relationship.