by Dedre Hetherington

Created on: June 17, 2009   Last Updated: June 18, 2009

From my own experience I say that a child under the age of 10 is not completely ready to grasp the entire concept of death. I do feel however, that the facts that surround death should be explained early on. My Father passed on when I was 3 years of age. I did not understand death and was forced to see him in his coffin. My Grandmother carried me and I still remember trying to wake him. My Grandmother had explained that he was sleeping. Unfortunately, I took what she said literally and for a long time after I actually thought he left us and was living at the funeral home. The funeral home was only a couple of blocks where we lived at the time. I would cry hysterically for him every time we passed the establishment. Although I was very young, I never forgot. I was horribly affected and traumatized even angry at times from the confusion.

Now, if there are no options for a babysitter, I do recommend one to consider other options such as delivering food for ones who are mourning and the traditional respect of sending flowers. While you do this, it is a great opportunity to begin explaining why flowers, food, cards,etc. are being sent. Expressing how one's passing make you feel,your belief, and the memories you shared with the deceased.

It is also important to instill the order of respect and correct conduct before a child of any age attends a funeral. I have seen and heard where some children were not prepared for the service and created havoc! Some are yelling or crying while others are laughing . It is definitely important to know the boundaries when it comes to what we think is growth for our child.

Now, I have my own children and I have taught them about death. I refuse to allow them to attend a funeral, but I do not hesitate to explain to my 8 year old twins or 10 year old daughter that fact of life. For I also refuse to allow the misconception of anything but the truth in death. Death is a part of life, but why impose that on a 3 year old or a little older when we are still telling them that Santa exists? Really, if we find it hard to explain a fictional character, how is death perceived in a child's eyes at those ages? It's my opinion and again, my experience that it is not. But my point is, education and preparation for any child is key for the steps to understanding. Death can be scary, so take the time and answer questions about the pet that dies, or your neighbor that went away. Pictures of loved ones along with stories are great. Details of the cause of death are irrelevant because sometimes it changes the direction of the conversation.

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