by Ronisha Johnson

Created on: June 17, 2009   Last Updated: June 18, 2009

Dear Son to Be,

I've waited so long for you, almost ten years. You have three older sisters. Right now you're expected in September. I'm worried and scared. I have never had complications during my pregnancies and I'm not having any now. I'm just so worried because I don't want to lose you before or after you get here. I pray every night that you make it here healthy and live a prosperous life. I know I'm not perfect. I don't try to be. I try to be the best mother that I can be. I worry that my health will affect your health. I make sure that I eat everyday and I try for three times a day. I stay hydrated and rested. I keep myself cool so we don't have to make trips to the hospital. My anxiety is really getting the best of me.

I wanted you so bad for so long. And I was so excited that you were finally coming to me. I thought I missed my blessing of a baby boy. Like I said before I'm not perfect. I made three horrible mistakes that I don't think I will ever forgive myself for. I prayed to God and asked him to forgive me each and every time. The last time I said to Him that I would do it no more and that every blessing will be welcomed gracefully. Although you were not planned I am so glad to welcome you.

I can't wait until the day they pull you out of me all covered in goo. To see the look on your Daddy's face when he holds you for the first time. He is so excited. He was told that he can't have children. Now he has been blessed with two. Your sister Essence will barely be one year older than you. Your sister DD will be four years older and Mar will be nine years older. You will be the last of our nest. I have decided that my health is too complicated and puts us both at risk. So I won't have any more.

I know you will be spoiled. My side of the family has been waiting on a boy for nine years now. Your cousin Brandon is the youngest so far. Our family is small and there are not many boys. But you don't have to worry about a thing. Anything that you need will be provided. Even if Mommy and Daddy are going through hard times we will find a way to provide for you and your sisters. I haven't told many people that you are a boy either. Everyone is so happy for your Daddy and me. I almost decided not to have a baby shower. I think that this time I will let your Aunt Jenny give it for us at her house. Right now I'm not sure though. If it's not at your Aunt Jenny's house it will be at my family house, at your Great-Great Aunt Doris house. Either way we will be blessed with lots of gifts and love from both sides of the family.

Right now your Daddy and I are preparing for your arrival. Yes I know that you still have at least eleven more weeks to get here but we want to make sure that you have everything you need before hand. I picked you out a birch crib and a sandy brown car seat so far. I still need to get you a Winnie the Pooh coming home outfit. I love Pooh bear he reminds me of such comfort so I think all of you had a Pooh outfit to come home in.

I am so excited that you are finally joining our family. We are so blessed to have you. We decided to name you after your Daddy so you will be a junior. There is just so much on my mind I just can't wait till you get here. I just know you will have a head full of hair. I hope it turns out curly. I picture you to be brown skinned when you first come out. I hope I'm right. We will see soon.

Well son I guess that is all for now. I will see you in September. I love you with all of my heart and then some.

Your Mommy with Hugs and Kisses,

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