I've never in my life turned down an offer to eat a hamburger. Never. Such a thing is border-line sacrilegious in my eyes. I've also never met a hamburger I didn't like. Sure, I've been acquainted with burgers I didn't necessarily love, but I'd never make one feel so bad as to not eat it.
From the kitchen of a fancy restaurant, off the backyard grill, or out the drive-thru window - I've tried them all. I honestly do not believe there is such a thing as a completely terrible hamburger. Burgers have all the ingredients of a win-win situation: the delicious honey wheat, white, whole grain, seasoned, whatever-your-specialty bun ... the juicy, luscious beef patty grilled or heated under a light bulb to absolute protection ... the extra accessories including a skirted layer of green, cool lettuce, half-dollars slices of tomatoes, and crunchy pickles. And let us not forget the delicious icing on the cake: ketchup, mustard, and mayo.
I just drooled.
Now, speaking honestly from one food connoisseur to another, eight out of ten times I'm too lazy to do my own cooking. But just because I'm a sloth does not mean that I want to sacrifice the well-being of my taste-buds, and it is not an uncommon sight to see me shamelessly peeling through a fast food parking lot more than once a week. It's too easy, too convenient. It's too delicious. It's too bad for my thighs.
Now where to go? In my specific city of residence there is an array of options available for gorging oneself on fast food. My typical choice of eatery (again, hinging on my laziness and how far I feel like driving) can be narrowed down to three, well-known burger havens:
McDonald's - The Classic
Everyone knows McDonald's. The golden arches are more globally recognizable than the statue of Cristo Redentor in Rio de Janeiro. I'm almost willing to bet that everyone, at one point or another, will eat at McDonald's in their lifetime. They're everywhere! It's almost impossible to walk out your front door and not trip into one. And there's a reason for that: it's awesome and cheap.
When I go to McDonald's I usually get one of two Value Meals- the Chicken McNuggets (if I've successfully convinced myself that eating fried chicken chunks is a healthy alternative to the Big Mac) or the Big and Tasty (when I've successfully convinced myself that buttoning the top of my jeans is unnecessary and a complete waste of time).
Now, let's discuss the Big and Tasty for a moment, shall we? This burger, nicknamed the Big and Nasty by my husband (which still, oddly enough, won't deter me from forcefully inserting it into my mouth) is what I would consider a "loaded" hamburger. Without having to request it, the Big and Tasty comes equipped with a bun and meat patty, onions, pickles, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard and mayo. It's perfect. Yes, the grayish meat patty does have a hint of flatness to its taste that does make one question just exactly how long it's been sitting out, but the other fixings kind of mask any doubt that it is edible. My only grievance against the sandwich is that you have to specifically ask for cheese and shell out $.50 for them to toss it on there. Overall, the sandwich gets a 6.5/10.
Wendy's: The Splurge
Now that I'm an adult, or at least my age indicates that I should be one, I have forced myself to put a little more consideration into what is going into my body. And I will admit that I do buy into Wendy's ever-obnoxious claims that all their food is made of "fresh ingredients and never frozen. So periodically, if I have an extra buck or two in my husband's wallet, I'll take a detour over to my neighborhood Wendy's.
There's only one meal I regularly consume at Wendy's, and that's Combo Meal #1: Old Fashioned 1/4 Single with fries, and an icy cold UNsweetened iced tea (I have to emphasize the "un" part because with the number of times I get handed sweet tea, you'd think I was speaking a different language). The Old Fashioned Single Burger is delectable. In many, many ways it is the equivalent to McDonald's Big and Tasty but with one huge, super important-difference: The meat is amazing. Wendy's beef does not make you question whether it comes from cows or decomposed squirrels. Their meat is juicy, well spiced, and doesn't make your jaw feel like you're chewing on a rubber band.
I give Wend'ys Single a 9/10.
Burger King: The King of My Heart and Cellulite
This fast food restaurant did not earn the title king for nothing. BK is the ruler of burger land. Sure, their French fries and other food items rank more in the prince or peasant level of royalty, but all that matters little when you have a contender like the Whopper on the menu.
The Whopper represents everything that is good in this world: an exceptional meat patty that literally tastes like the flames of a grill, a fat pile of pickles, and so much creamy mayonnaise that it literally drips from the bun. You can almost hear this sandwich moo-ing. It's so incredibly delicious that it completely erases your mind of how many calories you're cramming into your body. Be it a Jr. Whopper or a regular, this burger will satisfy any tummy and any wallet.
On the seventh day, God created the Whopper and it was good.
The Whopper will forever be a perfect 10 in my heart.
There you have it folks, my top three choices for delicious hamburgers on-the-go. Please don't take any of this information as professional opinion or actual facts you can use elsewhere. I'm just another piggy letting you in on my little piggy secrets. But I can make this expert recommendation: If you're feeling torn on where to get your next fast food meal, I strongly recommend hitting BK for a Whopper, then swinging over to Wendy's for a hot, steamy box of fries, and then polishing it off with an icy fountain Coke from McDonald's. You may be fat and out of gas, but dangit, you will be happy.