by Janet Udoh

Created on: June 16, 2009

Why the failed marriage?

Marriage as we all know is the agreement between two different but compatible individuals to come together to form an indivisible union for the process of realizing prospects and goals for the future. This is my own definition. We all have our various definition for marriage because we know what it commonly is and why it comes to be.

When we talk of marriage what naturally comes to our mind is two compatible individuals coming together in love and mutual understanding with intentions to have children and make progress. That is the common idea. On the other hand, when the issue of compatibility is mistaken problems surface because individuals are coming together for the wrong reasons. When couples are not compatible no magic on earth can make the marriage work.

After compatibility, we talk of maturity and most importantly, forgiveness. These three ingredients are the basic essentials for a successful marriage.

Now that we know the essence of marriage and basic pillars that holds marriage; why are there failed marriages? Before marriage or during courtship it will be quite evident that the togetherness that is put played is most of the time rosy and diplomatic, no matter the number of months or years. And when marriage is the case, the true characters and habits of individuals are let on the loose. Everything becomes naked to the couples about each other (like Adam and Eve).

In some cases the love was assumed present but as the years went by it waned. Many marriages are distressed today because couples failed to take steps to remedy it. In a recent study of about 15,000 married couples, experts have said that 50 percent of married people will never be happy unless they get unusually good therapy. Other researchers agree and even go further to say that about 30 percent of marriages are empty shells little love, little talk, little joy. Only 25 percent of couples have really good marriages, say the studies. It is also confirmed in the study that the needed skills to improve a failing marriage are communication skills, conflict resolution skills, compatible personality, agreement on values and religion and good sex.

According to some studies, women have more complaints compared to the men. This may be due to the fact that the women are more critical and also because the men give less. Women also in this research, initiate the breakup of relationships with their men more often. With the following supportive research let's try to analyze the reasons why marriage which should be blissful and happy fail in most cases.

- Having unrealistically blissful expectations of marriages: This guarantees disappointment. It's more like building castles in the air! It helps to be totally honest and discuss feelings openly; your expectations and weaknesses before marriage.

- Different role expectations: Analyzing and discussing expected roles in honesty could go a long to lighten issues in a marriage setting. A wife would understand the role she should play at home. If she will work to support the husband or not should be tabled or if the man should cook, empty the trash or whatever. A schedule should be drawn and discussed openly with all honesty.

- Communication: A silent marriage is a dead marriage. Openness is a sure way to know how compatible the couples are and a true measurement of how successful a marriage can be.

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