by Gina Lawton

Created on: June 16, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

My father, who is now 81, has people he has called friends for nearly 65 years. These are men he served in the Marines with, and who joined him at his first "real" job. While time and distance separate these men, they still talk on the phone regularly. They occasionally get together, and still try to attend major events (weddings of grandchildren, funerals, etc.) in each other's lives. They have lived a lifetime together, and now enjoy the fruit produced in those years and years of growing as friends.

However, what use to be the norm of settling into a neighborhood and forming relationships and friendships that "last a lifetime" is now the exception. Even long-term work relationships are rare because of the instability and high turn over in the job market. Friendships - lifelong friendships - struggle to exist through these turbulent times.

The traditional structures that lent themselves to life-long friendships are losing their stability. Still, I think that friendships that stand the test of time are possible. But, like every worthwhile relationship, these need tending. Effort, time, and flexibility are the key to maintaining solid friendships through the years.

Personally, I don't have a lot of people I'd call "friends," and even fewer that I can say are my "lifers." For me, a lifer can be defined as someone who has shared a significant part of my life, and regardless of the time that passes or the distance that ensues, we remain friends. Lifers can only show themselves through the perspective of time. My most significant "lifer" is my college friend whom I've known longer than my husband. And, there are a handful of others who saw me through times when most of my friends quit me. These "lifers" are particular people, and they share some common threads in my life.

First, we gave up imposing expectations on each other a long time ago. When a person "expects" a friend to call weekly, or write, or remember birthdays ... they are placing restrictions on a person that time and life changes may make difficult to fulfill. A true friend is one who enjoys the time they have together, and anticipates their next meeting, but doesn't pressure their friend to be more than they are. I've found that, when the expectations were lessened, the thoughtfulness increased because of the "want to," not the obligation. Life long friendships thrive when there is mutual respect - not restrictive expectations.

My lifers and I are not easily offended. We are deep on grace, and

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