by Lisa Doherty

Created on: June 16, 2009   Last Updated: June 18, 2009

Potty Trained at Two, was the tag line of mothers ten years ago. We bought the charts, read the books and grimaced when our friends did not start the process when we did. We all feared the dreaded moment when we would walk into the doctor's office for the two-year check up and have her ask the question, So is he/she potty training yet? We knew that there was an expectation for us to live up to, a litany of milestones that our baby should have reached by that time. But, what determines if a child is ready to train or not?

All children develop differently and that is absolutely OK. He or she will usually begin around ages 18-36 months (and notice, that is a VERY large window of time), to exhibit signs that indicate readiness to be trained. So what are the look-fors?

Discomfort:

If a baby is squirming when the diaper is dirty, that is a good sign that he or she is no longer satisfied with waiting until you are ready to change the diaper. They want it off immediately. Tugging, pulling at the diaper, crying, or using words that have been taught at home, such as pee-pee or poo-poo, indicate that the child wants control of his or her own comfort.

Directions:

If the child is unable to follow simple one or two-step directions, then he or she will be unable to do what you are asking. For instance, "Tell me when you feel like you have to go and then sit on the chair", is a two-step direction. Make sure that your child is developmentally able to handle specific instructions before you start the process.

Ability:

If the child does not have bowl movements at predictable times during the day, it will be difficult to predict when to put him or her on the potty. Until you are able to tell approximately when the event is going to occur, it will be a crapshoot, literally, to get the child in place and ready to perform the necessary function.

Expectation:

If the child is ready, you will know it. Make sure that your expectations of keeping him or her on the schedule that everyone else has their child on, is not prompting your decision to potty train. If there are developmental difficulties, illness, or injury that prevents the child from training, according to schedule, do not feel guilty about keeping them in diapers until they are ready to transition.

There will always be friends and family members who will raise eyebrows or say, "Well! My little Sammy was trained by 18 months and has never had an accident!" Do not let those people begin the slippery downward slope of comparison that we parents have a tendency to buy into. When we start measuring our children by the achievements or successes of others, we silently tell that, that who and what they are is not good enough. Let potty training come naturally and make it as stress-free as possible for both the parent and child.

On an encouraging last note, know that no stage your child will go through will last forever. After all, did you ever see a bride or groom walk down the aisle in a diaper?

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