Positive attachment provides children with an anchor. When they are cast out into the world, this anchor gives them the security they need to freely explore and learn about their social environment without losing their way. The process of attachment is instinctual and begins immediately. However, you can aid and strengthen the natural course of attachment through close proximity, responsiveness and sensitivity.
Proximity: Keep Baby Close
Newborns come into the world with a basic need for close human contact. The obvious and functional reason for this is their vulnerability and helplessness. Without someone to feed, love and protect them, babies would not survive. Newborns are genetically programmed to communicate and draw their mothers or primary caregivers close to them mainly through crying, cooing and smiling.
Babies will attach to whoever attends to their needs and cares for them the most. This is partially why even children who are abused will still want to stay with an abusive parent. The quality of attachment is therefore important. When parents do not respond to a baby's cries or leaves a baby alone to cry it out in a locked nursery, it compromises trust. On the other hand, babies who are kept close and responded to immediately, soon learn that they can depend on their caretakers. This in turn, creates a sense of comfort and security, which eventually develops into self-confidence.
Ways to Keep Baby Close
♦ Nurse your Baby
Nursing your baby right after birth and continuing to nurse for at least the first year is one of the best ways to foster a strong bond with your baby. When your baby nurses, she or he is physically attached to you, but it also encourages emotional attachment. When babies nurse, they can look up at you, babble and watch your reaction, as well as reach a hand out to touch you. Outside of the womb, a baby cannot get much closer to his or her mother than at the breast.
♦ Bottle Feed as If Nursing
Of course, breastfeeding is not always possible. When this is the case and bottle-feeding is the only option, you can still foster a positive bond with your baby during feedings. Cradle the baby close to you as if nursing when you offer the bottle; smile and speak in soothing tones as your baby feeds. All of these simple behaviors will promote a warm and comforting feeling between you and your baby.
♦ Sleep near your baby
If sleeping with a newborn makes you too uncomfortable, an alternative is to have your baby sleep in a bassinet beside you. If you do not want to use a bassinet, you can also put a crib in your room and have the baby sleep there. An added benefit of having your baby sleep with or near you is that it allows you to promptly meet your baby's feeding needs. This in turns reinforces that budding trust, because babies learn they can rely on you to respond right away when they are feeling physically and emotionally distressed.
♦ Literally Attach
Aside from nursing, what better way to nurture attachment than to literally strap your baby to you? A baby sling, particularly during early infancy, is a wonderful way to keep your baby close when you are busy. When not using a sling, pick up, hold and carry your baby as often as you can. In those early stages of life, do not worry about spoiling your baby by meeting his or her every demand - all you need to be concerned about at the beginning is building an unbreakable, loving attachment.
Children whose attachment needs are consistently met will on their own naturally detach and become independent when the time is right. They are like pieces of ripening fruit. They need parents to nurture them until they are ripe enough to fall from the tree on their own. If parents do not attach effectively with their children, it is like a poorly producing tree with fruit that never reaches its full potential.
Responsiveness: Immediately Respond to Baby's Cues
Responding immediately to your baby's cries, smiles, squirms and coos builds a strong attachment, in addition to instilling self-competence. Babies learn that through communication they can control their environment and have their needs met. This cements your baby's confidence in both you and herself, which will be important in the future when she most certainly will face social pressures and dilemmas. As a result, she will be more likely to deal with problems effectively, or else come to you when she needs direction. When basic emotional and physical needs are met immediately, this frees children from anxiety so they can explore, grow and learn from their environment.
On the other hand, unresponsiveness teaches infants that they have no control over their own needs, no matter how hard they cry or how wide they smile. In essence, babies learn to just give up, and this sense of futility can very well carry through into adulthood.
Sensitivity: Be Sensitive to your Baby's Needs
While keeping your baby close and being responsive is important, if it is not done with sensitivity then the quality of attachment will be weakened. Babies attach to whoever their main caregiver is, no matter how apathetic or neglectful the care. When attachment is dysfunctional, negative or weak, it leaves children vulnerable to the same dangers a positive attachment protects against. Positively and sensitively responding to your baby's needs for both physical and emotional comfort, makes her feel secure and loved.
Simple ways to respond sensitively to your baby include using gentle touch and frequent smiles. Pick up and comfort your baby when he or she cries. Some babies are more sensitive and needier of emotional and physical comfort than others. Become aware of your baby's unique temperament and cater to his or her emotional needs appropriately.
When addressing your baby, use eye contact and make a point to speak in the exaggerated, high-pitched, repetitive fashion most people naturally use when talking to a baby. This way of speaking to infants draws their attention to you and is common worldwide. It is sometimes referred to as "motherese" or "parentese."
In addition, be sensitive to possible physical discomforts. For example, take care to keep your baby warm when it is cold out and cool when it is hot. As well, change your baby often to prevent diaper rashes, and note any adverse reactions to foods or external stimuli.
By keeping your baby close and being responsive and sensitive to her or his emotional and physical needs, you can achieve a strong and positive attachment. Once this attachment is firmly established, your child will feel secure and ready to confidently enter the world and explore all that it has to offer.