by J. Marie Ruen

Created on: June 15, 2009

Is it the awkward moments out at the club? The pitying looks from your friends? The endless lonely nights wondering what's wrong with you? The certainty that you're the only one? The heavy weight in your gut that tells you it's always going to be this way? Or the dreaded question from well-meaning relatives: "How is a wonderful woman like you still single?"

With all the pressure from friends, family, and society to find a partner, it's no wonder women in their thirties fear being single. Realize that being single is one more way to describe you, no different than your eye or hair color. None of those things say anything about you as a person, so the fact that you haven't found that special someone is the same. It's time to overcome that fear and start enjoying your life as it is now.

As with any fear, the secret to overcoming the fear of being single is exposure. Gradually exposing yourself to situations as a single person will help you embrace your singleness and live a content life just as you are. Here are six simple (though not easy!) steps to overcoming your fear:

1. Define the enemy.

What about being single makes you afraid? What are you afraid will happen because you are single? What are you afraid being single says about you? Write out these fears, then consider reasonable ways to counter each one. If you're afraid that being single means you're unattractive or unlovable, look at other examples of single women, especially celebrities. Work on ways to rephrase your fears into positive statements, and write those down so you can repeat them often. "I am single now, but that doesn't mean I will always be." "There are many single women who are attractive and lovable, and I am one of them."

2. Start at home.

Work on enjoying being with yourself. Doing your favorite activities alone at home helps build self-esteem and contentment as well as overcome the fear of being single. No matter what happens, your favorite hobbies, games, television shows and projects will be there for you. That's a reassuring place to start from as you venture further into overcoming your fear.

3. Baby steps.

Try some activities that you may do solo already, such as shopping or going to a museum. Since people often do these things alone, it may not cause any fear or discomfort. That's a good thing! In progressive exposure therapy, you stay at each level of exposure until you can perform the activity without feeling afraid. If you're enjoying yourself at this level,

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